For more information (and FREE resources) on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Self-awareness is the key to controlling anger. Many people don’t realise they’re getting angry until it’s too late, leading to regret and damaged relationships.
In this episode of the Anger Management podcast, host Alastair Duhs shares three powerful tips to help listeners recognise their anger early, stay in control, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
By identifying your personal anger triggers, using a pause before reacting, and paying attention to your early warning signs of anger, you can build a personalised toolkit for managing anger effectively.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-awareness is crucial; recognising anger early helps in managing it effectively.
- Anger builds gradually, often shown through subtle physical and emotional signs.
- Taking a moment to pause before reacting can prevent regretful actions later on.
- Identifying personal anger triggers can help in navigating challenging situations safely.
- Cultivating a personalised toolkit for anger management empowers individuals to respond thoughtfully.
- Practicing assertive communication fosters healthier relationships and reduces conflict.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
For Alastair’s comprehensive anger management program, The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course.
Transcript
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an argument utterly unaware of how you got there?
Speaker A:Or have you looked back on a situation and thought, why did I let my anger get the best of me?
Speaker A:The truth is, most people don't realize when they're getting angry until it's too late, and by the time they do, the damage is already done.
Speaker A:But what if you could catch your anger before it spirals out of control?
Speaker A:In today's episode, we'll discuss three powerful tips to help you build self awareness so you can recognize your anger before it takes over, and stay in control no matter what life throws at you.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 19 of the Anger Management Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dues, and over the last 30 years, I have taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier, and more peaceful lives.
Speaker A:Today, I've asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, to discuss a topic that is familiar to many of us.
Speaker A:Recognizing anger early and staying in control.
Speaker A:This topic is critical because anger can escalate almost without warning for many people, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
Speaker A:Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode where I'll summarize Jake and Sarah's conversation and let you know how to control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:With that said, let's get started into today's deep dive.
Speaker B:You know those moments when you just feel like you're going to lose it?
Speaker C:Oh, yeah, right.
Speaker B:We're gonna figure out how to be aware of it before it even, like, fully forms.
Speaker B:It's like developing a sixth sense almost.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's so interesting that a lot of people react to anger without even realizing they're getting angry.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:It's like driving a car and not paying attention to the road signs.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So how do you even begin to, like, develop this sixth sense, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:How do we build that inner GPS exactly?
Speaker B:Well, it starts with figuring out what your own personal anger warning system is.
Speaker B:Like a fingerprint.
Speaker B:It's totally unique to you.
Speaker B:Yeah, I know that.
Speaker B:My jaw clenches up.
Speaker B:That's a super obvious tell for me.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:What about you?
Speaker C:Oh, gosh.
Speaker C:I think for me, it's probably like my voice changes.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I get a little bit higher pitch.
Speaker B:I do not want to be around for that.
Speaker C:But you know what's funny is that there are so many of them that people don't even realize, like tapping your foot.
Speaker B:Oh, really?
Speaker C:Or even getting really quiet.
Speaker B:Oh, wow.
Speaker C:And so I think it's all about paying attention to those subtle cues, because the sooner you recognize them, the easier it's going to be to prevent just a full blown meltdown.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:Like having a secret weapon.
Speaker B:Okay, so we're on high alert.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:They're watching out for those early warning signs.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:Then what?
Speaker C:Then you got to slow down.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:It's like when anger takes over, our emotions are.
Speaker C:Driving with a lead foot.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:You know, I had this one client who, whenever he would feel that anger rising, he would actually consciously say, I think or I feel before he spoke.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker C:It just seems so simple.
Speaker C:It does, but what it does is it creates this little tiny space between feeling angry and reacting.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So it's like almost injecting this little bit of mindfulness before you react.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's like hitting the pause button on a movie.
Speaker C:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:You get to decide if you want to keep watching or switch to something else.
Speaker B:Totally.
Speaker B:So that pause is where the magic happens.
Speaker C:It's like a reset button.
Speaker C:It gives you the chance to consciously choose how you're going to respond rather than letting anger choose for you.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:This is making me think about all those times that I've just, like, impulsively reacted.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker C:And regretted it later.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Knowing these early warning signs and then, like, hitting that pause button seems so simple.
Speaker C:But they could be real game changers.
Speaker B:They really are.
Speaker C:Okay, so we've paused.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker C:That.
Speaker C:What?
Speaker B:Now we got to figure out the root of your anger.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:And that brings us to our third key point.
Speaker B:Anger triggers.
Speaker B:These are the specific things that tend to set you off.
Speaker C:So, like, feeling disrespected.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker C:Not being listened to.
Speaker C:Someone cutting you off in traffic.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker C:I mean, we all have them.
Speaker B:We do.
Speaker C:And they're all so different.
Speaker B:Yes, they are.
Speaker C:From person to person.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:So recognizing your personal triggers is kind of like mapping out a minefield.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker C:Once you know where the potential explosions.
Speaker B:Are, you could either avoid them, or you can be super careful when navigating those areas.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:So if I know traffic is a trigger for me.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:I can try to avoid rush hour.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Or if I get stuck in it, I could use that pause that we just talked about to help me stay calm.
Speaker C:That's a great idea.
Speaker B:So it can be helpful to even write them down.
Speaker C:Oh, for sure.
Speaker B:It's like a cheat sheet.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker B:For yourself.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, having that awareness is such a powerful tool.
Speaker C:It really is.
Speaker B:It helps you see those situations in a new light, and it gives you that power to choose a different response.
Speaker C:And that's what it's all about.
Speaker B:Like, we're building a personalized toolkit for dealing with anger.
Speaker C:I love that analogy.
Speaker B:So these three key elements, the early warning signs.
Speaker C:Yep.
Speaker B:The pause button, and then understanding our triggers.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:Those are the foundational tools.
Speaker B:They are for building self awareness around anger.
Speaker C:I think so too.
Speaker B:This is fascinating.
Speaker B:I think a lot of people are going to resonate with this idea of a personal anger toolkit.
Speaker B:It just feels really empowering.
Speaker B:It is to know that you have tools that you can use.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:In those moments.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And the more we understand these fundamental concepts, the better equipped we're going to be to navigate those heated moments.
Speaker C:I completely agree.
Speaker B:Okay, so we've got these tools.
Speaker B:How do we actually use them in everyday life?
Speaker B:Let's say someone criticizes my work.
Speaker B:That is a big trigger for me.
Speaker C:Yeah, I get that.
Speaker B:Okay, so picture this.
Speaker B:My colleague, you know, makes a comment that I perceive as criticism.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:Suddenly, you know, I feel that heat rising.
Speaker B:Maybe my jaw clenches.
Speaker B:You know, my thoughts are racing.
Speaker C:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker B:That inner monologue is probably going crazy.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:They don't appreciate me.
Speaker B:They're trying to undermine me.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:So easy to get swept away in all of that.
Speaker C:It really is.
Speaker B:But here's where our self awareness toolkit comes into play.
Speaker B:You know, I recognize those physical signs, that clenched jaw.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:And I remember, oh, this is one of my triggers.
Speaker B:So instead of firing back a defensive remark.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:I hit that pause button.
Speaker C:You got it.
Speaker B:And that allows me to create that space between the trigger and my reaction.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:And maybe even, you know, say to myself, hold on, I'm feeling angry right now.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:Let me take a moment to, like, collect my thoughts.
Speaker C:Just like that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:I love it.
Speaker B:It's like taking a step back from the situation.
Speaker B:Almost like an observer.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:That shift in perspective seems really powerful.
Speaker C:It powerful because now you can challenge those negative thoughts that are fueling the anger.
Speaker B:So instead of just assuming the criticism is a personal attack, I can ask myself, is there any truth to this feedback?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Could I actually use this as an opportunity to learn and grow?
Speaker C:You're shifting from reactive to proactive.
Speaker C:You're in control.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:So we're reframing our perspective.
Speaker C:That's it.
Speaker B:We're looking at the situation through a Different lens.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's all it takes to just kind of like diffuse the anger, choose a better response.
Speaker B:We talk about anger management is like controlling those outward reactions.
Speaker B:But this is like an inside out approach.
Speaker B:It starts with understanding our internal world.
Speaker B:It does our thoughts, our feelings, and our triggers.
Speaker C:You got it.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker C:And it really does come back to self awareness.
Speaker C:The more we understand ourselves, the better we are at navigating these challenging moments.
Speaker B:So we've got our toolkit.
Speaker C:We do.
Speaker B:We're challenging those negative thoughts.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:We're reframing our perspective.
Speaker B:What else can we do to manage those anger flare ups?
Speaker C:Well, we can learn to communicate assertively.
Speaker B:Assertive communication.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:That sounds great.
Speaker B:It is in theory, but a lot of people struggle with it.
Speaker C:Oh, for sure.
Speaker B:Myself included.
Speaker B:You know, finding that sweet spot between being a pushover and being a steamroller.
Speaker C:I know, it's tough.
Speaker B:So how do we actually do that?
Speaker C:Okay, well, let's go back to that scenario with your colleague and the criticism.
Speaker C:So instead of reacting defensively or brushing it off, you could try saying something like, I understand your perspective, but I feel a bit hurt by that comment.
Speaker C:Could you clarify what you meant?
Speaker B:Okay, so I'm acknowledging their point of view.
Speaker B:You are, but I'm also expressing how I feel in a calm and direct way.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:You're standing up for yourself, but you're not attacking the other person.
Speaker C:And you're asking for clarification, which can help create a more positive outcome.
Speaker B:It's like we're changing the dynamic of the conversation.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:Instead of being a confrontation, it becomes an opportunity for understanding and growth.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker B:So assertive communication is all about.
Speaker C:It's about finding that balance.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:Between honesty and respect.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:It's about advocating for yourself, but also being mindful of the other person.
Speaker B:It sounds like a recipe for.
Speaker B:It is healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker B:Communication is so important for any strong connection.
Speaker C:It really is the foundation.
Speaker B:And when we can do it in a healthy way.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:It creates trust and mutual respect.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker B:My gosh, this has been so eye opening.
Speaker C:I'm glad.
Speaker B:I feel like I understand anger so much better.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And you know, it's not about becoming some emotionless robot.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:It's about being self aware and having this toolkit and practicing.
Speaker C:She got it.
Speaker B:Until it becomes second nature.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:It's about learning to respond to anger.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:In a way that's aligned with our values.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:And helps us create a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Speaker B:But what about those times when, like Anger just hits us out of nowhere.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know those unexpected triggers.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Like you spill coffee on yourself five minutes before a big meeting.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Or you get stuck in, like, a really frustrating situation.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And you can't escape.
Speaker B:You just want to scream.
Speaker C:I know.
Speaker B:What do we do in those moments?
Speaker C:Well, you might not have time for all the tools in your toolkit.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:But remember that pause button we were talking about?
Speaker C:That is your best friend in these moments.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:Even a few seconds to take a deep breath.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So deep breaths.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:What else?
Speaker C:Physical grounding techniques can be super helpful.
Speaker C:Like focus on your senses.
Speaker C:Feel your feet on the ground.
Speaker C:Notice the temperature of the air on your skin.
Speaker C:Listen to the sounds around you.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:All of those things can really help.
Speaker B:So it's like I'm redirecting my energy from that, like, internal storm to something more external.
Speaker C:You got it.
Speaker B:And tangible.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker C:So you're interrupting the spiral before it gets out of control.
Speaker B:This has been such a great conversation.
Speaker C:It has.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker B:So if you're ready to take that next step in your anger management journey, you can check out angersecrets.com It's a great resource.
Speaker B:There are tons of resources.
Speaker B:Articles, videos.
Speaker C:Yep.
Speaker C:Even a free anger assessment call.
Speaker B:That's awesome.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Remember, you're not alone in this.
Speaker C:You're not.
Speaker B:Anger is something we all deal with.
Speaker C:It's a universal human emotion.
Speaker B:And it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker C:It is.
Speaker B:In fact, it's a sign of strength and self awareness.
Speaker C:That's right.
Speaker B:So take that first step.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Remember, you have the power to transform your relationship with anger.
Speaker C:That's right.
Speaker B:Thanks for listening.
Speaker A:Okay, thanks for tuning in to today's episode of the anger management podcast.
Speaker A:I hope you have found this deep dive into recognizing anger early and staying in control beneficial.
Speaker A:Before we finish, however, let's summarize the main ideas that Jake and Sarah talked about.
Speaker A:Firstly, self awareness is the key to controlling anger.
Speaker A:You cannot change how you respond to anger unless you first recognize that you're getting angry.
Speaker A:Without self awareness, you'll only notice your anger after it has escalated, when it's much harder to control.
Speaker A:However, you can change your reaction once you see your anger rising.
Speaker A:Secondly, anger usually doesn't come out of nowhere.
Speaker A:It often builds gradually with subtle physical and emotional cues.
Speaker A:Typical early warning signs of anger might increased heart rate, feeling hot or tense, raising your voice or going silent.
Speaker A:Negative thoughts like, I don't need this or why is this happening to me?
Speaker A:The sooner you recognize these signs, the more control you have over your anger.
Speaker A:By identifying these signals early, you can take action before your anger escalates.
Speaker A:Third, slow down before reacting.
Speaker A:When anger flares up, it's easy to act without thinking, leading to words and actions you may later regret.
Speaker A:One of the simplest and most effective techniques is to pause before responding.
Speaker A:To do this, take a deep breath, count to 10 and use phrases like I think or I feel before speaking.
Speaker A:Even a one second pause can help shift you from reacting angrily to responding with control and clarity.
Speaker A:Finally, remember, if you don't notice when you're getting angry, you won't be able to control it.
Speaker A:But when you recognize your anger early, you open the door to making better choices.
Speaker A:By spotting your early warning signs, slowing down before reacting, and identifying your anger triggers, you can develop greater self awareness and take control of your anger before it takes control of you.
Speaker A:Okay, I hope you found this episode helpful.
Speaker A:If you did, I'd appreciate it if you took a moment to follow this podcast on your favorite podcast app and leave a quick rating and review.
Speaker A:This helps other people find this show and start their journey to a calmer, happier, healthier life.
Speaker A:Remember too, for free support to control your anger, including access to free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angersecrets.comcourse to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I'd be honored to help you on your anger management journey.
Speaker A:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger management podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
