For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
What is anger, really? In this thought-provoking episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs joins Jake and Sarah to explore the emotion beneath the outbursts. Together, they unpack what anger truly is, why it takes over so fast and how understanding it can unlock the first step to real change.
If you’ve ever felt like your anger controls you, or wondered if it has to, this episode will change the way you think.
Key Takeaways:
-Anger isn’t your actions, it’s the emotion underneath. Understanding that difference is the key to breaking the anger cycle.
-Your thoughts and perceptions, not just the events themselves, are what trigger anger.
-Recognising early warning signs of anger and using tools like deep breathing can help you interrupt angry reactions in real time.
-Techniques like cognitive restructuring help shift how you interpret situations, reducing emotional intensity.
Managing anger isn’t about suppressing it. It’s about learning to channel it in constructive, respectful ways.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
Have you ever wondered what anger really is?
Speaker A:I'm not talking about the shouting, the raised voices, or the slammed doors.
Speaker A:I'm talking about the emotion underneath all of these things.
Speaker A:And have you ever wondered why anger so often seems to take over so quickly?
Speaker A:And why do small things sometimes trigger such big reactions?
Speaker A:In today's episode, we're going to answer all of these questions.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 55 of the Anger Management podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alastair Dues, and For the last 30 years, I've helped over 15,000 men and women control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, together with my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:In today's episode, I've asked Jake and Sarah to do a deep dive into what anger actually is, how it develops, and why understanding it changes changes everything.
Speaker A:So if you've ever caught yourself thinking, I don't even know what anger is or why I get so angry, this is the conversation that will make it all click.
Speaker A:You'll discover the real engine that drives anger and how awareness is the first step to turning your anger off.
Speaker A:Okay, with that said, let's join Jake and Sarah as they unpack what anger really is and what it's trying to tell you.
Speaker B:Ever feel like anger has you on a leash?
Speaker B:Like you're one little tug away from snapping?
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:You're not alone.
Speaker C:Not at all.
Speaker B:So many of us wrestle with this powerful emotion, and today we're going deep on anger.
Speaker B:Okay, what is it really?
Speaker B:Why does it seem to have such a hold on us?
Speaker B:And how can we start to, you know, maybe loosen that grip a little bit?
Speaker C:You know, it's interesting because everyone experiences anger, but it feels so different to different people.
Speaker C:Some people.
Speaker C:People really experience it as this intense rage, and other people experience it as this simmering frustration that just builds over time.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's like everyone has their own.
Speaker B:Their own personal anger monster.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:I've heard people define it all kinds of ways.
Speaker B:Frustration, rage.
Speaker B:You know, some people even describe it as, like, wanting to shout or hit or just act out of control.
Speaker C:Yeah, and that brings up a really important distinction, because while those actions can be the result of anger, they're not anger itself.
Speaker C:Anger, at its core is an emotion.
Speaker C:It's a feeling.
Speaker B:Okay, so it's like the fuel that drives the engine but not the car itself.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:Think of it as the energy source.
Speaker C:And those actions are how that energy, how it manifests.
Speaker C:And one of the tricky things about anger is that it can be so intense, so overwhelming, that it just completely takes over.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:It's like a wave that just crashes over you, and suddenly you're not even thinking straight.
Speaker B:I remember reading somewhere that anger is an intense emotional state involving a strong, uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt, or threat.
Speaker B:And that word perceived really jumps out at me.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's an important word.
Speaker C:Yeah, because it points to the fact that it's not necessarily the actual event itself that triggers the anger, but it's our interpretation of it.
Speaker B:So it's not just what happens, but how we think about what happens.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:Let's say, you know, you're stuck in traffic and someone cuts you off.
Speaker C:You, your immediate thought might be, this jerk did that on purpose.
Speaker C:They're disrespecting me.
Speaker C:And that thought, that perception, that is what ignites the anger.
Speaker B:But what if instead of assuming they were being malicious, you thought, maybe they didn't see me, or maybe they're rushing to the hospital?
Speaker B:I mean, the situation hasn't changed, just your perception of it.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And that's a perfect example of how our thoughts shape our emotions.
Speaker C:And it leads to a really powerful concept around, like, you create your anger.
Speaker C:You know, it's not some outside force that's controlling you.
Speaker C:It's your own internal interpretation of events that's triggering that emotion.
Speaker B:Whoa, that's a big one to wrap your head around.
Speaker B:So you're saying if I can change how I think about things, I can change how angry I feel?
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:You're not a passive victim of your anger.
Speaker C:You actually have a say in how you react.
Speaker C:And that's really empowering because it means you can start to take back control.
Speaker B:Wait, hold on.
Speaker B:Are you saying I can actually choose to not be angry?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Even when something frustrating happens?
Speaker B:I mean, that seems almost impossible.
Speaker C:Well, it's not about becoming some emotionless robot.
Speaker C:It's about understanding the process, recognizing your triggers, and developing strategies to manage those reactions.
Speaker C:And that's what we're going to explore next.
Speaker B:Okay, this is starting to make sense.
Speaker B:But it also feels kind of daunting.
Speaker B:Like, how do I actually do this?
Speaker B:How do I change the way I react to things that usually make me angry?
Speaker C:Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker C:And that's where the real work begins.
Speaker C:You know, it starts with self awareness.
Speaker C:Think of it like detective work.
Speaker C:You need to Investigate your anger.
Speaker C:You know, get to know its patterns and triggers.
Speaker B:So like, figuring out what sets me off exactly?
Speaker C:Like what situations, what people, or even what thoughts tend to push your buttons.
Speaker C:Just start paying close attention to what's happening in those moments.
Speaker C:And you can even keep a journal to track your anger.
Speaker C:You know, maybe even rate the intensity on a scale of 1 to 10.
Speaker B:Like an anger logbook.
Speaker B:I can see how that would be helpful for spotting patterns.
Speaker C:Yeah, it can be really revealing.
Speaker C:And once you start to identify those triggers, then you can start to develop strategies for dealing with them.
Speaker C:Yeah, think of it as building a toolkit for managing your anger.
Speaker B:So what kinds of tools are we talking about here?
Speaker C:Well, one of the most powerful tools is learning to hit that pause button before you react.
Speaker C:You know, when you feel that surge of anger rising, Take a few deep breaths, step away from the situation if you can, and just give yourself a moment to cool down.
Speaker B:I've heard about deep breathing exercises for anger management.
Speaker B:Is that what you're talking about?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It sounds simple, but it can be incredibly effective.
Speaker C:Deep breathing helps to kind of activate your body's relaxation response, which can counteract the physiological effects of anger.
Speaker B:Okay, so deep breaths are like a fire extinguisher for my anger.
Speaker C:Uh huh.
Speaker C:That's a great way to put it.
Speaker C:It helps to put out those flames before they spread.
Speaker C:But there are other tools in the toolkit as well.
Speaker C:One technique that's really helpful is called cognitive restructuring.
Speaker B:Cognitive restructuring?
Speaker B:That sounds pretty technical.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's basically about challenging those automatic negative thoughts that fuel your anger.
Speaker C:Remember we talked about the guy cutting you off in traffic?
Speaker C:Instead of assuming that he did it on purpose, you could try to come up with some alternative explanations.
Speaker B:Like maybe he's having a really bad day, or he's lost.
Speaker B:Or he just didn't see me.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And just by shifting your perspective, you can actually change the way you feel.
Speaker C:It's like taking off those anger tinted glasses and seeing the situation in a new light.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm starting to see how this all fits together.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:But let's be real.
Speaker B:There are times when it feels like my anger is just too big, too overwhelming to control.
Speaker B:What do you say to people who feel like they're just constantly on the verge of an eruption?
Speaker C:Well, first of all, I just want to acknowledge that it's okay to feel overwhelmed.
Speaker C:Anger can be an incredibly powerful emotion, and it's normal to struggle with it.
Speaker C:But here's the good news.
Speaker C:There are proven strategies that can help.
Speaker B:Is that where anger management Classes come in like having a personal trainer for your emotions.
Speaker C:That's a great analogy.
Speaker C:Anger management provides you with the tools and techniques to understand your anger, to identify those triggers, and then to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Speaker C:Think of it as learning a new language, the language of emotional regulation.
Speaker B:So instead of shouting or slamming doors, I learned to express my anger in a way that's assertive but also respectful.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It's about five finding your voice, communicating your needs effectively, and setting those healthy boundaries.
Speaker C:And it's not about suppressing anger.
Speaker C:It's about channeling it in a constructive way.
Speaker B:I like that.
Speaker B:Channeling it instead of letting it control me.
Speaker B:But this all sounds like a lot of work.
Speaker B:It's a lot easier to just blame other people or situations for making me angry.
Speaker B:Why should I even bother putting in the effort to change?
Speaker B:Yeah, I'd admit it does sound like a lot of effort.
Speaker B:But I guess what I'm hearing is that it's an investment worth making.
Speaker C:It really is.
Speaker C:Think about it this way.
Speaker C:When you let anger control you, it takes a toll, you know, on your relationships, your health, your overall well being.
Speaker C:It's like carrying around this heavy weight, just dragging you down, draining your energy, and keeping you stuck in this cycle of negativity.
Speaker B:That's a powerful image.
Speaker B:And I guess if I can learn to manage my anger, it's like finally setting down that weight and being free to move forward.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It's about reclaiming your power, your peace of mind.
Speaker C:And remember, it's a journey, it's not a destination.
Speaker C:There will be setback, you know, slip ups along the way, but the key is to just keep practicing, keep learning, and keep striving for that.
Speaker C:For that calmer, more peaceful you.
Speaker B:So it's okay to not be perfect at this, right?
Speaker B:I don't have to expect myself to never feel angry again?
Speaker C:Absolutely not.
Speaker C:Anger is a natural human emotion.
Speaker C:You know, it's part of who we are.
Speaker C:But it doesn't have to rule our lives.
Speaker B:Okay, that's a relief to hear.
Speaker B:So for our listeners who are ready to start this journey, where do they begin?
Speaker C:Well, you know, we've talked about some basic techniques like deep breathing and cognitive restructuring, but there's.
Speaker C:There's so much more to explore.
Speaker C:There's some great resources out there, like anger management classes, books, you know, even online programs.
Speaker B:And speaking of online programs, I know you wanted to mention a particular resource that you think is really valuable.
Speaker C:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker C:If you're ready to.
Speaker C:To dive deeper into this world of anger management, I really Recommend Checking out angersecrets.com It's a great website, just a wealth of including a free online training program that can really help you start taking control of your anger today.
Speaker B:Fantastic.
Speaker B:I'll definitely be checking that out myself.
Speaker B:And for our listeners, I'll include that link in the show notes so you can easily find it.
Speaker C:Perfect.
Speaker C:Remember, taking control of your anger is.
Speaker C:It's one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.
Speaker C:It's a journey worth taking and you don't have to do it alone.
Speaker B:Thanks for joining us on this deep dive into anger.
Speaker B:It's been eye opening to say the least.
Speaker B:And remember, it's not about never feeling angry.
Speaker B:It's about learning to navigate those those choppy emotional waters with skill and grace.
Speaker B:Until next time, stay curious, stay informed and keep diving deep.
Speaker A:Thanks so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Anger Management Podcast.
Speaker A:I hope you found that deep dive with Jake and Sarah eye opening.
Speaker A:Because once you understand that anger isn't an action, it's just a feeling, it can change everything.
Speaker A:And remember, as Jake and Sarah said, anger isn't something that just happens to you.
Speaker A:It's a response to how you're thinking or how you're interpreting what's going on around you.
Speaker A:And that means you have far more control over anger than you might realize.
Speaker A:And finally, when you learn to recognise your early warning signs of anger, challenge your automatic thoughts and pause before you react, you can start to break the anger cycle.
Speaker A:Now, if you'd like help putting any of these ideas into practice, just Visit my website, angersecrets.com on this site you can access my free training Breaking the Anger Cycle or book a free 30 minute anger assessment call to talk personally with me about your situation.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to go deeper, explore the complete anger management system, the proven program thousands have used to control their anger, master their emotions and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:What anger really is and why it matters more than you think.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed this deep dive, please follow the podcast and leave a short rating and review.
Speaker A:It helps others discover these tools and start their own anger management journey.
Speaker A:And remember, you can't control what others say or do, but you can always control what you say and do.
Speaker A:And that's where your real power lies.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Management podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
