For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever felt like your anger comes out of nowhere? Like one small moment flips a switch and suddenly you’re shouting or shutting down without knowing why?
In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down the truth about anger triggers – what they are, why they matter and how learning to recognise them can put you back in control of your anger, your relationships and your life.
Key Takeaways:
–Anger doesn’t strike randomly. It follows patterns based on personal emotional triggers and learned responses.
-Your body gives you early warning signs of anger, like a racing heart, clenched jaw or rising tension. If you learn to spot them, you can stay ahead of an anger outburst.
-Triggers don’t cause anger. Your thoughts about those triggers do. Shift your thinking and you shift your reaction.
-Tracking your triggers helps you see which situations set you off, and gives you the power to plan and respond more effectively.
-Managing your anger isn’t about avoiding tough situations. It’s about building the skills to respond with awareness instead of reactivity.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Break The Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
Do you ever feel like your anger just explodes out of nowhere?
Speaker A:One minute you're fine feeling calm, steady, and in control, and the next, something tiny hits you the wrong way and your whole body reacts before you even understand what's happening.
Speaker A:It's a horrible feeling, isn't it?
Speaker A:That sense of, why did I get so angry?
Speaker A:Why does this keep happening?
Speaker A:And maybe you've told yourself it's just who you are, or that you're wired differently, or that your anger really does come out of nowhere.
Speaker A:But here's the surprising.
Speaker A:Anger isn't random at all.
Speaker A:There are patterns beneath it, signals inside it, and triggers shaping it.
Speaker A:Triggers you may have never been taught to recognize.
Speaker A:In today's episode, I'll walk you through how identifying these triggers can completely change the way you respond to anger and why learning to spot the early warning signs in your body and your thoughts gives you back a level of control you may not have felt in years.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 59 of the Anger management Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dwes, and For the last 30 years, I've helped over 15,000 men and women control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, together with my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help you control anger once and for all.
Speaker A:In today's episode, I've asked Jake and Sarah to take a deep dive into the world of anger triggers.
Speaker A:What they are, how they form, and how recognizing them early can stop those sudden explosions before they ever take hold.
Speaker A:Let's get started.
Speaker B:Have you ever been just cruising through a perfectly fine day, everything's going okay, and then suddenly, boom.
Speaker B:Your entire mood just tanks?
Speaker B:Maybe you find yourself yelling in traffic over something tiny, or you're just consumed with rage because someone left, I don't know, a dirty plate in the sink.
Speaker C:It's that feeling right where the size of your reaction feels so wildly out of proportion to what actually happened.
Speaker C:For a lot of people, anger isn't just a fleeting thing.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker C:It escalates really fast into this overwhelming destructive force, and it feels completely unpredictable, totally unpredictable.
Speaker B:And that unpredictability, that's the core of what we're tackling today.
Speaker B:We want to stop just reacting to these explosions and actually get some control by finding out what sets us off in the first place.
Speaker B:Our mission for this deep dive is to map out what are called anchor triggers.
Speaker C:That's Right.
Speaker C:And an anchor trigger is, well, it's really anything.
Speaker C:It can be internal something you feel, or external, something that happens.
Speaker C:And its only job is to kickstart those angry feel.
Speaker B:So it could be a word someone says.
Speaker C:It could be a word.
Speaker C:It could be a memory that just pops into your head.
Speaker C:It could even be a physical feeling, you know, like being tired or hungry or even just too hot.
Speaker B:What's so clear looking into this is that triggers are intensely personal.
Speaker B:What sends one person over the edge, like a sudden change of plans, another person might not even notice.
Speaker C:Precisely.
Speaker C:And that uniqueness is why identifying them is so, so important.
Speaker C:It's the absolute first step.
Speaker C:You can't manage something if you don'.
Speaker C:See it coming.
Speaker C:Once you know your triggers, you get this power to either, you know, avoid them or, and this is way more powerful, change how you react to them when they do happen.
Speaker B:Okay, let's unpack that.
Speaker B:Let's get into the first step of the action plan, because that's the real challenge, right?
Speaker B:The implementation.
Speaker B:Those people I talk to, they describe their anger as a snap.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Just comes out of nowhere.
Speaker B:We need some kind of early warning system.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And that's where the first phase comes in.
Speaker C:It's about building a habit of self check in.
Speaker C:The recommendation is to check in with yourself regularly, maybe even hourly, which I know sounds like a lot.
Speaker B:Whoa, hourly.
Speaker C:I know it sounds intensive, but it's crucial you just pause for a second and genuinely ask yourself, how am I feeling right now?
Speaker C:And what's contributing to this feeling?
Speaker B:I have to push back a little on that because an hourly check in with how fast we're all moving, that just sounds impossible.
Speaker B:Most of us are pretty unaware of how we're feeling till the emotion is already huge.
Speaker B:How do we even build that muscle?
Speaker C:It definitely takes practice, but the payoff is immense.
Speaker C:A check in isn't just a mental thing.
Speaker C:It's about learning your body's unique early warning signs of anger.
Speaker C:These are the little subtle cues, physical or mental, that tell you your fight or flight response is starting to power up.
Speaker B:Okay, give us some concrete examples.
Speaker B:What do these pre rage signals actually feel like?
Speaker B:Those are the details that are going to stick with people.
Speaker C:We're talking about real physiological shifts.
Speaker C:It might be a tightness in your chest or headaches starting to creep in.
Speaker C:You might just feel tense, agitated, or your thoughts start racing and you can't slow them down.
Speaker B:Get that?
Speaker B:The racing thoughts?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Or maybe you start clenching your fists or your jaw and you don't even realize you're doing it.
Speaker C:Maybe you feel a sudden flush of heat catching that signal, that tiny initial knot of tension.
Speaker C:That's what gives you the chance to step in before the emotion gets too big to handle.
Speaker B:So we establish the early warning system with the check in.
Speaker B:And once we start tracking those signs, we naturally move into step two, which is finding the patterns.
Speaker B:Yeah, because certain things just keep showing up again and again.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:Step two is all about identifying your main triggers.
Speaker C:And this is the critical part, analyzing the patterns they form.
Speaker C:I mean, start by actually making a list.
Speaker C:Write down everything that tends to set you off.
Speaker B:Like feeling criticized, dealing with, I don't know, customer service, all of it.
Speaker C:Feeling criticized, bureaucracy, seeing someone in your family not pulling their weight.
Speaker C:Write it all down.
Speaker B:And once you have that big list, you start looking for what connects them all.
Speaker C:The power isn't in just having the list.
Speaker C:It's in spotting the common threads.
Speaker C:Are you angrier at certain times of day?
Speaker C:Like when you're tired, when you're tired, when you're hungry?
Speaker C:Are certain types of people reliable triggers?
Speaker C:Maybe authority figures or people who just remind you of conflicts from your past?
Speaker C:Do specific words that say challenge your sense of fairness always set you off?
Speaker B:And that pattern recognition, that's where we go from just watching it happen to actually building a strategy.
Speaker C:That's the key.
Speaker C:If you find out that being stuck in traffic is a reliable trigger for road rage, yeah, you see that pattern, and instead of just letting it happen, you can proactively do something like listen to a podcast or calming music, an audiobook, mental exercises, anything.
Speaker C:If the trigger is about your partner not doing chores, the pattern isn't the socks on the floor.
Speaker C:It's the feeling underneath, the feeling of disrespect.
Speaker C:So you address that root issue, not just the socks.
Speaker B:Which brings us perfectly to the third step.
Speaker B:We're moving from the external thing that triggered to the internal machine that turns that little frustration into, you know, full blown rage.
Speaker B:This is all about our inner dialogue.
Speaker C:Tip three is all about developing a really rigorous awareness of your thoughts.
Speaker C:When you feel that anger starting to rise, you have to pay incredibly close attention to what you're telling yourself inside.
Speaker C:Negative, rigid, self defeating thoughts are like pouring gasoline on that little spark of emotion.
Speaker B:Can you break that down?
Speaker B:What kind of destructive thinking should we be listening for?
Speaker B:Because it's often running on autopilot.
Speaker C:It's the language of rigid rules, the language of catastrophe.
Speaker C:So back to the traffic example.
Speaker C:It's not just, ugh, I'm frustrated.
Speaker C:It escalates.
Speaker C:It becomes, this is so unfair.
Speaker C:This should not be happening.
Speaker C:My whole day is ruined.
Speaker C:I'm never going to make it on time.
Speaker B:The black and white thinking.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It's black and white thinking.
Speaker C:It's catastrophizing.
Speaker C:And it convinces you that the situation is way worse and more permanent than it really is.
Speaker B:But when you're already in that state, that heightened emotional state, how hard is it to just suddenly introduce a rational thought?
Speaker B:It feels a bit like trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun.
Speaker C:It is incredibly difficult at first, which is why we have to go back to step one.
Speaker C:The you have to catch those early warning signs.
Speaker C:If you just catch the tension, you have a moment, a moment to interrupt the thought pattern.
Speaker C:The cognitive shift means actively replacing that rigid thought.
Speaker C:So instead of my day is ruined, you think, okay, this is a temporary inconvenience.
Speaker C:I can only do the best I can right now.
Speaker B:Or just, I'll handle this.
Speaker C:I will cope with this.
Speaker C:It's a perspective shift.
Speaker C:It doesn't change the traffic, not one bit.
Speaker C:But it instantly reduces the power that anger has over you.
Speaker B:Okay, so we've got the system check in early, find the patterns, and control that inner story.
Speaker B:Before we wrap up.
Speaker B:We have to talk about the stakes here because the cost of not doing this, of unchecked anger, is.
Speaker B:It's huge.
Speaker C:We have to acknowledge the gravity.
Speaker C:I mean, uncontrolled, chronic anger can be absolutely devastating.
Speaker C:We're talking about ruined marriages, careers just destroyed by one impulsive reaction, families completely torn apart by emotional volatility.
Speaker C:The damage just adds up over time.
Speaker B:And the pain for the victims, the people on the receiving end, those who are verbally, emotionally or tragically physically abused, that long term damage, especially to partners and children, it's immense.
Speaker B:And that has to be the ultimate motivation for change.
Speaker C:Which is why this last point is so crucial.
Speaker C:It's about motivation and having a system.
Speaker C:We want to reassure you that managing anger isn't some gift you're born with.
Speaker C:It is a skill.
Speaker C:It's a skill that anyone can master, no matter how intense their rage has been in the past.
Speaker C:Your past does not have to be your future.
Speaker B:It's about accepting that this takes a real strategy.
Speaker B:You can't just wish it away.
Speaker C:Absolutely not.
Speaker C:And thousands of people have learned how to do this.
Speaker C:But if you find that your own efforts, you know, the tracking, recognizing thoughts, if they keep failing, it is so important to seek professional help.
Speaker C:There is zero shame in needing structured support to build these skills and break old habits.
Speaker C:It is a sign of incredible strength for you and for everyone around you.
Speaker B:That is the essential takeaway.
Speaker B:So to quickly summarize the path we've laid out for you.
Speaker B:First, check in with yourself regularly to catch those tiny physical early warning signs.
Speaker B:Second, list your triggers and analyze the destructive patterns.
Speaker B:And third, you have to actively manage and replace the negative thoughts that turn a small frustration into a massive rage.
Speaker C:This deep dive gives you that blueprint.
Speaker C:Remember, recognizing the trigger is the first necessary step to managing the response.
Speaker B:And here's the final thought we want to leave you with.
Speaker B:You can't control other people, you can't control traffic, you can't control bureaucracy.
Speaker B:But you have absolute power over your internal state and how you choose to respond.
Speaker B:And that control that changes everything.
Speaker C:If you're ready to take these ideas and really apply them in a complete step by step system, we want to point you toward the work of Alistair Duz.
Speaker C:He created something called the Complete Anger Management System, and it's designed to help people master their emotions and control that intense anger and build much happier relationships, often in just 21 days or less.
Speaker B:So if you're ready to gain that control and use a clear, proven system to see real results, you can learn more and even access some free training on these tools by visiting angersecrets.com that's angersecrets.com youm don't have to keep suffering from this.
Speaker B:Help is available and you can start making this change today.
Speaker A:Okay, thanks so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Anger Management podcast.
Speaker A:Before we wrap up, let's take a moment to quickly go over some of the most important ideas Jake and Sarah shared.
Speaker A:Firstly, your anger isn't random.
Speaker A:It follows patterns.
Speaker A:One of the biggest takeaways today is that anger doesn't just happen.
Speaker A:There are predictable triggers, certain moments, tones, situations, or themes that tend to set you off.
Speaker A:When you start noticing these patterns, you stop feeling blindsided and start feeling prepared.
Speaker A:And that alone can dramatically reduce the intensity of your reactions.
Speaker A:Secondly, your body gives you early warning signs if you pay attention.
Speaker A:Maybe your chest tightens, maybe your jaw clenches, maybe your breathing changes, or your thoughts start speeding up.
Speaker A:These signals are your body's way of saying, slow down, anger is coming.
Speaker A:Learning to recognize these early cues is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to interrupt anger before it takes over.
Speaker A:Thirdly, triggers don't cause your anger, your thoughts do.
Speaker A:This is such a transformative insight.
Speaker A:A trigger is just the moment something happens.
Speaker A:The anger comes from the interpretation you place on it.
Speaker A:When you change the story you tell yourself even slightly, you change your entire emotional response.
Speaker A:This is how people go from exploding at tiny things to staying calm under pressure.
Speaker A:And finally, the goal isn't to avoid triggers, it's to understand them.
Speaker A:Life will always throw stress, frustration and difficult moments your way.
Speaker A:What changes everything is learning what sets you off and why, and then developing the tools to respond with awareness rather than reactivity.
Speaker A:This is where real control begins.
Speaker A:Now remember, real change doesn't happen by just listening.
Speaker A:It happens when you start practicing even one or two of these ideas in your everyday life.
Speaker A:So if something today stood out to you, take it, run with it, see what shifts, and if you'd like help putting any of these ideas into practice, just Visit my website, angasecrets.com on this site you can access my free training Breaking the Anger Cycle or book a free 30 minute anger assessment call to talk personally with me about your situation.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to go deeper, explore the complete Anger Management System, the proven program thousands have used to control their anger, master their emotions and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed this deep dive, please follow the podcast and leave a short rating and review.
Speaker A:It helps others discover these tools and start their own anger management journey.
Speaker A:And remember, you can't control what others say or do, but you can always control what you say and do.
Speaker A:And that's where your real power lies.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type of please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
