12 – Five Warning Signs Of Anger You Shouldn’t Ignore

Do you ever feel like the smallest things, a spilt coffee, a traffic jam, or a rude comment can set you off like a ticking time bomb?

Have you caught yourself yelling at your loved ones over something trivial and wondered, why am I like this?

Imagine how different your life could be if you could stop those anger outbursts before they even began.

In today's podcast episode, we're diving into five clear signs you have an anger issue, and more importantly, what you can do to fix it before it impacts your relationships for good.

Hello, and welcome to episode 12 of the Anger Management Podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men, men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships.

In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier, and more peaceful lives.

Today I asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, to discuss the five signs that indicate that you may have an anger issue.

Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode, too, where I'll summarise Jake and Sarah's conversation and let you know how to control your anger once and for all.

With that said, let's get started on today's deep dive.

Ever find yourself, like, totally losing it over something small?

Like, seriously small?

Yeah, I mean, everyone gets angry sometimes, right?

Sure.

But, like, when it's over spilled coffee or, like, you know, someone cutting you off in traffic.

Yeah, those are definitely frustrating moments.

Is that normal, or is that something we should, like, look into?

Well, that's what we're diving into today.

Okay, awesome.

We're gonna look at anger.

Yes.

And.

And those signs that it might be a problem.

Okay, so, like, red flags that maybe my anger is, like, out of control.

Exactly.

And how you can, like, start to get a handle on it.

All right, so let's get into it then.

So one of the biggest signs is how easily you get angry.

Like, do you find yourself getting, like, super upset over things that really aren't that big of a deal?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Like when someone takes your parking spot or, like, the cashier is just, like, super slow.

Right?

Those everyday annoyances.

Yeah.

Like, think about it.

Okay.

Are those things.

Things worth getting, like, really angry about?

I mean, in the moment, it feels like it is.

Right, but is it really?

Probably not.

That's a thing.

If you're constantly blowing up over little things.

It might be a sign that your anger is a bit too close to the surface.

So it's like I'm just like, primed to explode over anything?

Exactly.

Like a hair trigger response.

Okay, I see, I see.

Yeah.

So then how do you, like, know if it's a real, like, reason to be angry or if I'm just overreacting?

Good question.

So try rating, like, the importance of whatever's making you angry on a scale of 1 to 10.

Okay.

So like, is that traffic jam really a 10 out of 10 situation?

No.

Or is it more like a 4?

Yeah, probably more like a 2.

Okay.

So see, it puts it in perspective.

Yeah.

It helps you to, like, see things more clearly.

Yeah, for sure.

That's helpful.

Yeah.

And you know, another sign can be.

What's that?

It might be a little harder to hear.

But think about this.

Do you find it really hard to admit when you're wrong?

Like, you always have to be right.

Oh.

I mean, even if it means, like, justifying yourself in, like, crazy ways?

Yeah.

I think we've all been there where.

We'Re just like, I have to win this argument.

Right?

Exactly.

And the funny thing is that need to be right often just makes things worse.

How so?

Instead of resolving the conflict, it just escalates it.

Right?

Yeah.

Because then the other person's like, even more dug in.

Exactly.

And it can really damage your relationships.

Yeah.

So then what are you supposed to do?

Just, like, agree with everything all the time?

No, not at all.

Okay.

It's not about being a pushover.

Yeah.

It's more about, like, recognizing that other people's viewpoints are valid too.

So, like, I can still disagree.

Absolutely.

But try approaching it with, like, curiosity.

Okay.

Rather than the need to, like, win.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah.

And, you know, sometimes people just bottle up their anger.

So, like, just keep it all inside.

Yeah.

And that can be just as bad.

Really?

How come?

Well, think of it like this.

Okay.

It's like you're trying to hold a beach ball underwater.

Okay.

Eventually it's going to pop back up.

And probably hit me in the face.

Exactly.

And all that anger you're holding in, it can come out in, like, really unhealthy ways.

So like, what, like just yelling at my kids for no reason?

Well, that's one way.

But it can also be more subtle.

Like maybe you get passive aggressive or you start holding grudges, or you even start having, like, physical health problems.

Really?

Anger can do that?

Yeah, it's all connected.

Wow.

Okay.

So If I'm not supposed to, like, bottle it up, then what am I supposed to do with it?

You need to find healthy ways to release it.

Like what?

Well, there's a lot of things you can try, like talking to someone you trust.

Or maybe journaling.

Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

Or even exercise.

Oh, yeah.

I guess that helps with stress, too.

Exactly.

It's all about channeling that anger.

So, like, instead of it turning inward, it's, like, going out.

Yeah.

You're redirecting that energy.

Okay, I get it.

Yeah.

But sometimes, even when I try to do all that, I still end up snapping at the people I love.

Yeah, I mean, we all have those moments.

Is that a sign that I'm, like, failing at this whole anger management thing?

Well, it depends.

If it's happening all the time, yeah.

Then it might be a sign that you need some extra help, because, like.

Those are the people I should be treating the best.

Right.

And it can really hurt them.

And then they're probably walking on eggshells around me.

Exactly.

And that's no way to live.

You know, I've been noticing that myself.

Oh, really?

Yeah, like with my partner, I get impatient over the smallest things, and then we both just end up feeling bad.

Yeah, it's tough, but it's great that you're noticing it.

So what can I do about it?

Well, the first step is just being aware of it.

Okay.

And then you can start working on changing those patterns.

Okay, cool.

So we've talked about, like, triggers and stuff and, like, holding it in.

Right.

But what about when other people are like, you have an anger problem.

Ah, yeah.

That's never fun to hear.

No, it's not.

I usually just get defensive.

Yeah, I get it.

But if multiple people are saying it, it might be worth listening to.

Mm, I guess.

So.

It's like they're trying to tell me something.

Exactly.

They care enough to risk saying something uncomfortable.

So it's like a wake up call.

Yeah, maybe.

But then what do I do?

Well, the first thing is to, like, stop seeing anger management as a bad thing.

That.

Do you mean, like, it's not a sign of weakness.

Okay.

It's actually a sign of strength to.

Admit you need help.

Exactly.

You're taking responsibility for your emotions.

It's like saying, I'm not gonna let anger control me anymore.

Exactly.

But where do you even start?

Well, you can start by figuring out, like, what triggers your anger and what thoughts are fueling it.

Huh.

That's interesting.

I always thought I was just, like, born angry.

Well, Maybe there's some truth to that, but it's more likely that you've learned some unhelpful patterns along the way.

So it's like my go to reaction is anger, maybe.

And those reactions can be changed.

Really?

So I'm not just stuck with this forever?

No.

There's so much you can do.

Okay, that's good to hear.

Yeah.

There are lots of resources out there.

So it's like there's actually hope for people like me.

Absolutely.

Anger doesn't have to run your life.

That's so good to hear.

Yeah.

It's a normal emotion, but it doesn't have to control you.

So, like, instead of being, like, scared of it.

Right.

I can use it to, like, figure things out.

Exactly.

It's like a signal.

Yeah.

That something needs attention.

So it's more about, like, understanding it and then, like, managing it.

Exactly.

You got it.

Awesome.

Well, this has been super helpful.

Good.

I'm learning.

For anyone listening who's, like, really struggling.

Yeah.

Where can they go for more help?

Well, Alistair's website is a great place to start.

Angersecrets.com.

right?

Yeah, that's the one.

He has a ton of resources there.

Perfect.

We'll put that link in the show notes.

Great.

And remember, there's no shame in getting help.

So true.

It's like taking care of your mental health.

Exactly.

Well, that about wraps it up for today.

Awesome.

We've covered a lot about anger.

We have how to recognize it, what to do about it, and most importantly.

What'S that that you can change?

Yeah.

You don't have to stay stuck.

Nope.

That's amazing.

So to all our listeners out there.

Yes.

Remember, you're not alone.

There's help available and you can live.

A calmer, happier life.

Absolutely.

Thanks for joining us for this deep dive.

It's been a pleasure.

We'll see you next time.

Okay.

Thanks for tuning in to today's episode of the Anger management podcast.

I hope you found this deep dive into the five signs of an anger issue helpful.

To recap, here are the five signs that Jake and Sarah covered.

Sign one is that small triggers can reveal a bigger anger problem.

As Jake and Sarah discussed, many people with anger issues get upset over minor inconveniences, like kids leaving toys around a messy kitchen or someone interrupting them.

While these events seem small, the intensity of the anger they provoke can be a red flag.

If you find yourself reacting disproportionately to these small triggers, take a moment to pause.

Ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is this if it's a 5 or lower, take a deep breath and remind yourself this isn't worth losing control over.

Small triggers often point to deeper, unresolved anger, so staying aware of this is key.

Sign two is thinking that you are always right.

A common cause of anger is believing you must prove yourself right in every argument.

When you have this mindset, minor disagreements escalate quickly, leading to shouting or emotional outbursts.

Instead, think everyone has their point of view and it's okay to respect it without agreeing.

Remember, being right doesn't help relationships.

Staying calm and open does.

This simple shift in mindset can reduce arguments dramatically.

Sign three is bottling up your anger.

If you're suppressing your anger, such as pushing it down and pretending it's not there, it doesn't disappear.

It builds up over time.

This bottled anger can lead to sudden outbursts or health issues.

Instead of bottling up your anger, find healthy ways to process it.

This can include journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking help from a professional.

Acknowledging and addressing your emotions is not a weakness, it's a powerful step toward healing.

Sign four is lashing out at loved ones.

One of the most evident signs of an anger issue is taking it out on those closest to you, your partner, kids or family.

These are the people you care about most, and hurtful words or actions can damage those bonds, sometimes permanently.

If you notice this pattern, it's a clear sign you need help managing your anger.

Remember, anger never improves relationships.

Calm, respectful communication does.

Sign five is that someone has told you that you have an anger issue.

If someone close to you has said I think you have an anger issue, don't dismiss it.

It takes courage for others to voice this, and it's usually coming from a place of care.

Instead of getting defensive, take their words seriously.

Recognizing the problem is the first step toward creating real change in your life and relationships.

Remember, anger can be challenging, but but it doesn't have to control your life.

By recognizing these signs and taking steps to manage your anger, you can build calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.

Okay, thanks for listening to today's episode and be sure to tune in next week to learn.

Do online anger management programs work?

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This helps other people find the show and start their journey to a calmer, happier, healthier life.

Remember, too, for free support to control your anger, including access to a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angersecrets.comcourse to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I'd be honored to help you on your anger management journey.

Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.