For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Joe thought his anger was just who he was until a moment changed everything. In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares Joe’s story, a successful businessman whose struggle with anger had profound effects on his life and relationships.
Joe’s journey shows that real change is possible, even after decades of uncontrolled anger. The conversation dives into the impact of anger on mental health and relationships, highlighting how it can spread and create rifts in connections.
By the end, listeners are reminded that managing anger is a skill that can lead to peace and deeper connections in life.
Key Takeaways:
- Anger is a natural emotion, but if left unchecked, it can hurt your health and relationships.
- Joe’s story illustrates that recognising one’s anger can lead to significant change and healing.
- Real change in managing anger starts with small steps and conscious decisions to pause and breathe.
- The transformation in Joe’s life shows that it is never too late to control anger effectively.
- Uncontrolled anger can create rifts in relationships, making it harder to build trust and understanding.
- By managing anger, you can enhance your quality of life and the lives of those around you.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Joe thought his anger was just part of who he was, until one moment changed everything.
Speaker A:In today's conversation, I share the story of Joe, an intelligent and successful businessman I worked with a few years ago, whose story had a profound impact on me and my determination to help as many people as possible with anger issues.
Speaker A:Joe's story is both inspiring and tragic, and by listening to it, I hope it will change how you feel about anger forever.
Speaker A:Not only that, but if you've ever wondered whether real change around anger is possible or whether it's too late to turn things around, this episode might help convince you that change around anger is not just possible.
Speaker A:Essential.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 34 of the Anger Management Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and over the last 30 years, I've helped more than 15,000 men and women take control of their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, more loving relationships.
Speaker A:On this podcast, I combine that experience with the power of AI to bring you powerful, practical tools you can use right away to take back control of your life.
Speaker A:In today's episode, I've asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, to share the story of Joe, a real client I worked with several years ago.
Speaker A:Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode, too, because after their conversation, I'll be back to wrap things up and share a few thoughts of my own, including how you can take the next step toward controlling your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:All right, let's get into it.
Speaker A:Here's Jake and Sarah.
Speaker B:Do you ever sort of replay a moment in your head and just think, wow, there had to be a better way I could have handled that?
Speaker C:Oh, definitely.
Speaker B:Maybe it was, you know, snapping it somewhat at work or sharp word with your partner.
Speaker B:Maybe that flash of anger that just leaves you feeling, well, kind of uneasy afterwards.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's that exact feeling we're really digging into today.
Speaker C:That.
Speaker C:That whole experience of how uncontrolled anger, especially when it becomes like a recurring thing.
Speaker B:A pattern.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:A pattern.
Speaker C:How it can actually have a much wider and frankly, more damaging impact on our lives than we maybe realize right in that moment.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We're not just talking about those, you know, isolated moments of frustration.
Speaker B:We all get those.
Speaker C:Sure, it's normal.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Totally normal.
Speaker B:But we're focusing on how that persistent, badly managed anger can really sort of spread its tendrils, you know, into our mental health, our physical well being, our relationships, our closest connections.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And just ultimately our overall quality of life.
Speaker B:It affects everything.
Speaker C:It's maybe helpful to think of anger as Like a signal, it's telling us something might be off.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:But when that alarm bell is just constantly ringing, or maybe our way of responding to it is consistently harmful.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like shouting or saying things you regret.
Speaker C:Precisely.
Speaker C:That's when we start seeing the bigger consequences.
Speaker C:I mean, think about the toll chronic stress takes on your body.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, huge.
Speaker C:And the anxiety that can build up.
Speaker C:These things are often really closely linked to how we process and, you know, express anger.
Speaker B:And it's definitely not just an internal battle, is it?
Speaker B:Think how easily anger can just, like, create these gaps, these rifts in our relationships.
Speaker B:A harsh tone, a really cutting remark.
Speaker B:Those things can leave scars, you know, real lasting scars.
Speaker B:And it makes it so much harder to build that trust, that understanding that good relationships really need.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:I mean, strong relationships, they're built on positive interactions.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And a feeling of safety.
Speaker B:Safety, yes.
Speaker C:And uncontrolled anger.
Speaker C:It just erodes that foundation.
Speaker C:It creates this environment where people might feel, I don't know, resentful, unheard, maybe even afraid.
Speaker B:We actually came across a really compelling story that brings this whole thing into sharp focus.
Speaker B:It's the experience of a businessman named Joe.
Speaker C:Ah, Joe.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:He ran a successful construction company with his wife, Tracy.
Speaker B:And from the outside, you know, everything looked pretty good.
Speaker B:Successful business, long marriage.
Speaker C:But there was this undercurrent.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:An undercurrent of difficulty.
Speaker B:Joe's frequent anger, especially at work.
Speaker C:And what really stood out was the.
Speaker C:The regularity of these aggressive responses.
Speaker C:It wasn't just, you know, the occasional bad day we all have.
Speaker C:It was a real pattern.
Speaker C:Shouting, swearing at his staff.
Speaker C:You can just imagine the kind of atmosphere that creates awful.
Speaker B:Just constant tension, anxiety for everyone there.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And Tracy, his wife, she often tried to step in, you know, tried to diffuse things.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Mediate a bit.
Speaker C:But unfortunately, that often just seemed to escalate the situation.
Speaker C:It added even more stress for her, and it just kind of solidified this negative cycle they were in.
Speaker B:And this went on for an incredibly long time.
Speaker B:We're talking three decades.
Speaker C:30 years.
Speaker B:30 years.
Speaker B:Then.
Speaker B:Well, then came a turning point, A real shift.
Speaker B:One of Joe's outbursts was caught on.
Speaker C:A security camera a few days later.
Speaker C:Tracy, probably feeling like she had no other options left, she showed him the recording.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:And that moment, seeing himself completely unfiltered.
Speaker C:The reality of his behavior right there on the screen was just shockingly different from how he perceived himself in those moments.
Speaker B:A total disconnect.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It was like an undeniable confrontation with his own actions.
Speaker C:No escaping It.
Speaker B:He finally saw it.
Speaker B:He finally got a clear picture of what his staff and Tracy had been dealing with for all those years.
Speaker B:And that was the catalyst he needed.
Speaker B:That's what made him decide to seek professional help.
Speaker B:He recognized his anger wasn't just, you know, a personality quirk.
Speaker C:Oh, that's just Joe.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Not just how he is.
Speaker B:It was a real problem that needed to be addressed seriously.
Speaker C:And, you know, it takes real strength of character, I think, to face that kind of gap between your intention and the actual impact you're having.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker C:So Joe's decision to get help, that was a critical first step, breaking a pattern that had been going on for decades now.
Speaker B:The process of change, it wasn't, like, instantly easy.
Speaker B:Apparently, Joe had pretty strong opinions.
Speaker C:Okay, stubborn, maybe.
Speaker B:Yeah, maybe a bit.
Speaker B:And wasn't afraid to voice them, let's say.
Speaker B:So the initial focus in working with him was helping him manage his immediate reactions, especially given his role as the boss.
Speaker C:Right, that power dynamic.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:It wasn't really about deciding who was right or wrong and some disagreement.
Speaker B:It was about changing how he responded in those moments of conflict.
Speaker C:And that's such a crucial piece of anger management, isn't it?
Speaker C:Often our first instinct in a conflict is just to argue our point, prove.
Speaker B:We'Re right, totally dig your heels in.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:But for someone struggling with anger, learning to regulate that initial powerful emotional response, that's paramount.
Speaker C:Being technically correct doesn't give you a free pass for a damaging outburst.
Speaker B:Good point.
Speaker B:Very good point.
Speaker B:And gradually, you know, things started to shift for Joe.
Speaker B:He managed a full week at work without an angry outburst.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker C:After 30 years, that's huge.
Speaker B:Huge milestone.
Speaker B:Then that week stretched into months.
Speaker B:And it wasn't like he magically stopped feeling anger or frustration.
Speaker C:Yeah, of course not.
Speaker C:That's not the goal.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:But he'd developed the ability to pause, to actually take a breath, regain his composure before reacting.
Speaker C:That ability to create that space, that body buffer between the feeling of anger and the outward expression, that's fundamental.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker C:It allows for a much more considered response.
Speaker C:You know, less impulsive, less destructive.
Speaker B:And the transformation in his workplace apparently was palpable.
Speaker B:You could feel it.
Speaker B:The whole atmosphere became calmer, more supportive.
Speaker C:I bet the staff noticed.
Speaker B:Oh, hugely.
Speaker B:And Tracy, she could finally dedicate her energy to the business itself without constantly having to kind of manage Joe's temper.
Speaker B:Walk on eggshells.
Speaker C:That must have been such a relief for her.
Speaker B:Immense.
Speaker B:But then.
Speaker B:Then the story takes a really deeply moving turn.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:About six months after Joe's last Formal anger management session.
Speaker C:He reached out again to the person helping him.
Speaker B:But not because he'd relapsed or anything.
Speaker C:No, not because of his anger.
Speaker C:It was because Tracy had received a diagnosis.
Speaker C:Terminal cancer.
Speaker B:Oh, gosh.
Speaker C:And she only had a few Marla months left to live.
Speaker B:That's just heartbreaking.
Speaker B:Absolutely heartbreaking.
Speaker B:Yet amidst all that incredible sadness, Joe shared something really powerful.
Speaker B:He told his counselor that those last six months, the ones where he had finally, consistently managed his anger, they were the most precious months of their entire marriage.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:Just consider the weight of that, the significance.
Speaker B:Incredible, right?
Speaker C:By learning to manage his anger, Joe basically removed this huge source of stress and difficulty from Tracy's final months and gave her peace.
Speaker C:He did.
Speaker C:They were able to share that time with greater peace, more connection.
Speaker C:Unburdened by the constant worry about his.
Speaker B:Temper exploding, he expressed such profound gratitude for that time, for being able to be fully present, for in a way that honestly just wouldn't have been possible before he made that change.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:It was apparently a deeply emotional moment, really highlighting the unexpected and incredibly far reaching positive consequences that can come from actually taking control of your anger.
Speaker C:Joe's story, I mean, it's deeply personal, obviously, and very moving, but it really underscores a broader truth, doesn't it, that change really is within reach.
Speaker C:For many people who struggle with anger, learning to manage it effectively can lead to such significant improvements, not just for the individual, but for the quality of their closest relationships, too.
Speaker B:And that's such a vital message, a message of hope, really.
Speaker B:If you're listening to this and feeling maybe overwhelmed by your own anger or.
Speaker C:You recognize some of these patterns.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:If you recognize these patterns, it's so important to remember that taking steps to address it can have profound, lasting benefits.
Speaker B:And often, maybe more quickly than you might even imagine.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Sometimes the change happens faster than people think possible.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And the positive ripple effects on your own life and the lives of the people around you, they could be truly immeasurable.
Speaker B:Worth the effort.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:So if any of this deep dive has resonated with you today, if you recognize those patterns of uncontrolled anger in your own life, maybe seeing its negative impact, just remember Joe's experience.
Speaker C:It's such a powerful reminder that taking action isn't just about stopping the outbursts.
Speaker C:It's really about fostering more peace, more happiness, and deeper connection in your life.
Speaker B:Well said.
Speaker B:Unchecked anger, it really can cast such a long, dark shadow over so many parts of our lives.
Speaker B:But learning to manage those really intense emotions, it is a skill.
Speaker C:It can be learned.
Speaker B:It absolutely can be learned and developed.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it leads to significant positive change.
Speaker B:So if you'd like to explore this further, maybe find some support.
Speaker B:Alistair Du actually offers some really valuable resources.
Speaker C:Yeah, he does.
Speaker B:You can get free training and you can even book a free anger assessment call over@AngerSecrets.com angersecrets.com it's a great starting point.
Speaker B:Definitely worth checking out.
Speaker C:Angersecrets.com and maybe just leave you with this final thought.
Speaker C:While we can't always control other people or external situations, definitely not can learn to control ourselves, our own responses.
Speaker C:And that makes all the difference.
Speaker A:Okay, thanks so much for tuning in to today's episode of the anger Management podcast.
Speaker A:I hope you found this deep dive into the hidden cost of uncontrolled anger and how to change that both helpful and thought provoking.
Speaker A:Before we wrap up, let's take a moment to quickly go over some of the most important ideas Jake and Sarah shared.
Speaker A:First, Jake and Sarah talked about how anger in itself isn't bad.
Speaker A:It's a natural human emotion.
Speaker A:But when anger is left unmanaged, when it becomes a pattern, it can start to quietly damage your health, your relationships, and your overall happiness without you even realizing it.
Speaker A:Second, Jake and Sarah shared Joe's powerful story and how seeing himself clearly for the first time helped him break decades of destructive habits.
Speaker A:Joe's story is a powerful reminder that change is possible no matter how long you've struggled with anger, and that it is never too late to control your anger.
Speaker A:And finally, Jake and Sarah reminded us that real change starts with small steps, small decisions to pause, to breathe, to choose differently.
Speaker A:And that those small shifts can lead to incredible transformations, not just for you, but for the people you care about most.
Speaker A:Remember, real change doesn't happen just by listening.
Speaker A:It happens when you start practicing even one or two of these ideas in your everyday life.
Speaker A:So if something today stood out to you, take it.
Speaker A:Try it.
Speaker A:See what shifts.
Speaker A:Okay, if this episode was useful to you in any way, I'd love it if you'd follow the podcast and leave a quick rating or review.
Speaker A:It really helps others find this show and get the support they need too.
Speaker A:And if you want to take the next step in your anger management journey, I've got some free resources waiting for you.
Speaker A:Head over to angersecrets.com for a free training or to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me.
Speaker A:Or if you're ready to address your anger issues right now, check out angercrets.com course to jump into my powerful online program, the Complete Anger Management System.
Speaker A:It's the same system I've used to help over 15,000 people take control of their anger.
Speaker A:And it will help you, too.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today.
Speaker A:Remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:See you next time.
Speaker D:The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker D:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker D:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
