6 – The Truth About Abuse and Violence

Picture you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Suddenly your anger starts to spiral out of control.

All of a sudden, heated words are exchanged and you say or do something that you just cannot take back.

Sound familiar?

If so, or if you have acted in an abusive or violent way towards a loved one at any time, time may be running out for you to save your relationship with those who are most precious to you.

In today's podcast, I'll reveal the truth about anger, abuse and violence and why it's important to address issues of abuse or violence before they destroy the relationships that mean the most to you.

Don't skip this episode.

It may be one of the most important podcast episodes you listen to this year.

Hello and welcome to episode six of the Anger Management Podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Duas, and over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tools, techniques and strategies I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier and more peaceful lives.

Today, I've asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah to share a deep dive into the topic of understanding exactly what anger, abuse and violence are and why understanding these topics is critical for you to create happy, healthy and long lasting relationships.

Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode two, where I'll add my thoughts about Jake and Sarah's conversation and let you know how to access my help to control your anger once and for all.

With that said, let's get started into today's deep dive.

Welcome back, everybody.

I'm excited for today's deep dive because we're tackling a topic that I think a lot of us try not to think about too much.

Oh, yeah, but it's something that's really important to understand, especially if you're trying to build healthier relationships, which is what this show is all about.

Right.

We're talking about the differences between anger, abuse and violence.

Those are words that get thrown around a lot, but we don't always take the time to like, really understand what they mean.

Exactly.

And I think when most people hear the word abuse.

Yeah.

The first thing they think of is like physical violence.

Right.

Hitting or punching or something like that.

But I think there's actually so much more to it than that.

Yeah, for sure.

Abuse is so much more than just physical harm.

So how would you define it then.

Like, what is abuse?

Yeah.

Abuse is any behavior that someone uses to control or intimidate or manipulate someone else.

Okay.

Or to hurt them.

And that can be verbal or emotional or psychological or even sexual.

So even if it's not physical, it's still abuse.

Exactly.

It's all about trying to, like, gain power over another person.

So, like, if you're constantly putting someone down or making them feel worthless.

Yeah.

That would be considered abuse.

Absolutely.

And, you know, the crazy thing is the effects of that kind of abuse.

Like emotional abuse.

Yeah.

Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse.

It's true.

Sometimes even worse.

Yeah.

Words can really leave a mark.

It's like that story we heard about Trevor.

Oh, yeah.

Whose father never actually, like, hit him.

Right.

But he was constantly putting him down and manipulating him.

Yeah.

And the damage from that was.

It was really bad.

Way worse than any bruise or cut.

And it's interesting because when you look at the actual definitions of abuse and violence, it's like they almost become the same thing.

They do, don't they?

You're going to tell me they're the same thing, aren't you?

I am.

They both basically mean any behavior intended to control someone or intimidate them or manipulate them or hurt them.

So you're saying that even something like yelling at someone could be considered a form of violence?

It could.

Especially if the intention is to control or scare them.

That's a tough one to wrap your head around.

It is.

It challenges us to think differently about how we approach conflict.

Because we often think of violence as only physical.

Right.

But if we're really trying to have healthy relationships.

Yeah.

We need to realize that any behavior that aims to control or harm another person is a problem.

I see what you mean.

No matter how it comes out, no.

Matter if it's physical or verbal or whatever.

Exactly.

It's all about the intent.

It makes you wonder, like, why do people do these things in the first place?

Yeah.

Like, what would cause someone to resort to abuse or violence?

Really good question.

Like, are they always aware of it?

You know, sometimes it's like they are.

But a lot of times these behaviors are learned.

Oh, interesting.

From childhood.

Okay.

You know.

Or from past relationships.

But they kind of pick up these patterns along the way.

Exactly.

It's not an excuse, of course.

Right?

Of course not.

But it's important to understand where it comes from.

So it's like a cycle then.

It is a cycle of unhealthy behavior.

You learn it from somewhere and then you end up repeating It.

Exactly.

But the good news is.

There's good news.

There is.

Just because it's learned doesn't mean you can't unlearn it.

Oh, okay.

So you can break the cycle.

You can.

And that's where things get really hopeful.

So how do you do that?

How do you unlearn these behaviors?

Well, the first step is acknowledging that there's a problem.

That sounds like it could be pretty tough.

It can be.

Especially if you've been denying it for a long time.

Yeah.

But it's crucial.

You can't change something if you don't admit it's there.

Okay.

So acknowledge the problem.

Right.

And then the next step is to take responsibility for your actions.

Exactly.

Owning up to the times when you've hurt someone or controlled them, no matter.

How hard it is.

Right.

And that's where professional help can be really useful.

Like therapy.

Yeah.

A therapist can help you explore those patterns and figure out where they're coming from.

And then what, did you, like, not do them anymore?

Exactly.

They can teach you healthier ways to cope with your anger and frustration.

Okay, so that's one option.

Are there other things people can do?

There are.

You know, there are some really good structured programs out there.

Like what?

Well, one that comes to mind is the Complete Anger management system.

It's a really great program.

It teaches you how to identify your triggers and how to respond to them in a.

A healthy way.

So it's like you're learning a new skill.

Exactly.

You're learning how to manage your anger instead of letting it manage you.

That makes a lot of sense.

It does.

And it takes time and effort.

Right.

But it's so worth it.

Okay, so we've got acknowledging the problem, taking responsibility, getting professional help, checking out structured programs.

What if someone is listening to all of this and they're feeling overwhelmed?

That's totally understandable.

Yeah.

It can be a lot to process.

Where do they even begin?

The most important thing is to just start somewhere.

Any step in the right direction.

Exactly.

Even if it's just talking to a friend or a family member or doing some research online.

The point is to not feel stuck.

Right.

There's help out there, and there's hope.

I like that.

Yeah, there's hope.

It's really amazing how much we've learned in such a short time.

I know, right?

It feels like we've really gone deep into understanding the connection between anger, abuse, and violence.

We have.

And it's clear that abuse isn't always as obvious as we might think.

Exactly.

It's not Just about hitting or yelling.

Right.

It can be so much more subtle than that.

And that's why it's so important to really understand the different forms it can take.

Like we talked about emotional abuse and psychological abuse.

Yeah.

And even things like controlling someone's finances or isolating them from their friends and family.

Those are all forms of abuse, too.

They are.

And they can be just as damaging as physical violence.

It's all about recognizing that pattern of control and manipulation.

Exactly.

And once you see it, it's hard to unsee it.

That's so true.

But the good news is that once you're aware of it, you can start to change it.

You can start to break the cycle.

Yeah, you can.

And it starts with taking responsibility for your own actions.

If you realize that you've been abusive in some way.

Yeah.

You have to own up to it.

You do.

And that's not easy.

It's not.

But it's the only way to move forward.

And there's help out there.

Like we talked about therapy and those structured programs.

Right.

They can be so helpful.

They can.

And it's important to remember that change is possible.

It is.

No matter how long you've been stuck in those unhealthy patterns, you can learn.

New ways of relating to people.

You can.

And you can create healthier, happier relationships.

That's what we all want, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So as we wrap up this deep dive, I want to leave you with this thought.

Okay, I'm listening.

Think about your own relationships.

Are there any patterns of control or manipulation that you might be overlooking?

That's a great question.

It's something we all need to ask ourselves.

Because sometimes those patterns can be so subtle.

They can.

And we might not even realize we're.

Doing it, but once we become aware.

Of them, we can start to change.

Them and build stronger, more respectful relationships.

Exactly.

And if you're looking for more resources on this topic.

Yes.

I highly recommend checking out Alistair's website, anger secrets.com.

yes.

It's an incredible resource for anyone who wants to learn more about anger management.

It really is.

And thank you all so much for joining us for this deep dive into the complexities of anger, abuse and violence.

It's been a pleasure.

It has.

And remember, there's always hope for change.

Always.

We'll see you next time.

Okay.

Thanks for tuning in.

Today's episode of the Anger Management Podcast.

I hope you have found this deep dive into what abuse and violence are helpful.

Before we finish, however, let's summarise the main ideas that Jake and Sarah talked about.

The first idea is that abuse and violence are the same thing.

They are both behaviours intended to control, manipulate, intimidate or harm another person.

In fact, as Jake and Sarah said, abuse comes in many forms including verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse.

Each type of abuse hurts others and recognising these types of abuse and violence is the first step to preventing it.

The second idea that Jake and Sarah discussed was that non physical types of abuse such as emotional abuse or psychological manipulation can leave scars that are as deep or deeper than physical harm.

Words, criticism or controlling behaviours often have lasting effects on victims.

The third idea that Jake and Sarah discussed was that abuse and violence are often learned behaviours.

Many people, for example, learn to act in abusive ways from their childhood or past relationships.

This cycle of unhealthy behaviour can perpetuate harm until it is consciously recognised and addressed.

While understanding the origins of these patterns helps, it does not excuse abusive actions.

The fourth idea that Jake and Sarah discussed was that taking responsibility for your abusive actions is the first step to change.

As Jake and Sarah discussed, acknowledging your abusive behaviour is a difficult but necessary step toward change.

Accepting responsibility allows you to seek help and adopt healthier behaviours.

Therapy and structured programs like the Complete Anger Management System provide guidance and tools to break abusive cycles.

The final idea that Jake and Sarah discussed is that with courage and support, change is possible.

Just like any behaviour, abusive behaviours can be unlearned and respectful, loving relationships can be created.

This process requires effort but is deeply rewarding.

Seeking help, whether through professional counselling, self reflection or structured programs, can transform both individuals and their relationships.

Okay, I hope you found this episode helpful.

If you did, please take a moment to follow or subscribe to this podcast on your favourite podcast app and if possible, leave a quick rating and review.

This helps others find the show and start their own journey to a calmer, happier and healthier life.

Remember too, for free support to control your anger, including access to a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angersecrets.comcourse to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.

Finally, remember you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.