How To Take Responsibility For Your Actions

Do you blame others when you get angry?

Have you ever said something like, "You made me so mad!" or "I only lost it because of what you did!".

Do you think your partner "presses your buttons", and if only they would stop doing that, you wouldn't get so angry?

If you have answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then chances are you are not taking responsibility for your actions.

In this article, you will learn what taking responsibility for your actions means, how to do it, and why taking responsibility for your actions will help you control your anger.

What Taking Responsibility For Your Actions Means

Taking responsibility for your actions means acknowledging that your actions are your own and that you are the only one who can control them.

Taking responsibility for your actions also means that you do not blame others for your actions or try to justify them.

While taking responsibility for your actions sounds simple, it can be difficult in practice. There can be many reasons for this, but the four most common reasons I encounter for people not taking responsibility for their actions are:

• Reason 1: Fear Of Consequences
• Reason 2: Family Upbringing
• Reason 3: Beliefs Of Entitlement, and
• Reason 4: Fear Of Shame

Let's take a closer look at each of these reasons.

Reason 1: Fear Of Consequences

One of the main reasons people don't take responsibility for their actions is that they are afraid of the consequences of their actions.

They may be afraid of punishment or think taking responsibility for their actions will lead to other negative consequences. While it's natural to be fearful of the negative consequences of your actions, taking responsibility for your actions is the first step to change.

Reason 2: Family Upbringing

Another reason people don't take responsibility for their actions is because of their family upbringing. 

If you grew up in a family where you were punished for mistakes, you might have learned to avoid taking responsibility for them. Breaking this pattern can be difficult, but it is possible.

Reason 3: Beliefs Of Entitlement

A third reason people don't take responsibility for their actions is due to beliefs of entitlement.

Taking responsibility for your actions will be difficult if you believe you are entitled to act the way you do. Entitlement often comes from a sense of superiority and is a difficult belief to change.

Reason 4: Fear Of Shame

A fourth reason people don't take responsibility for their actions is their fear of shame. If you are afraid of being shamed for your actions, you may avoid taking responsibility for them.

Despite these reasons for not taking responsibility, taking responsibility for your actions is vital to control your anger. When you take responsibility, you give yourself the power to choose different actions in the future.

How To Take Responsibility For Your Actions

When I work with clients, I teach them many steps to take responsibility for their actions. 

Here are three of these steps:

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Actions

The first step to taking responsibility for your actions is acknowledging what you have done or said. This includes recognizing that you can choose how you act in any situation, no matter what others say or do. It also means acknowledging that your actions have consequences for yourself and others.

For example, you may become angry and yell at your partner during an argument. In turn, your partner may be yelling back at you.

Acknowledging your actions means recognizing that you are choosing to yell at your partner and that your partner's actions do not excuse or justify your actions.

You are in control of yourself, not your partner, and nothing your partner does or says can justify your abusive or violent actions.

Step 2: Accept The Consequences Of Your Actions

The second step to taking responsibility for your actions is accepting the consequences of your actions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.

For example, if you have acted abusively in your relationship, a very real consequence of your actions may be that your partner is scared or frightened of you. This fear may last a long time, and it will likely profoundly impact your relationship, perhaps forever.

I have met many people who believe that their partner should "get over" the abuse they inflicted after a few days, weeks or months.

But this is not how it works. 

Accepting the consequences of your actions means understanding that it will take time – perhaps a very long time – for your partner to heal from the harm you have caused.

Step 3: Make A Plan To Change Your Actions In The Future

The third step to taking responsibility for your actions is making a plan to change them.

This does not mean apologizing to your partner and saying, "It will never happen again". The reality is that unless you plan to change your behaviour, your behaviour will likely repeat.

A common way to change abusive actions is to participate in an anger management program. A good anger management programme will teach you how to recognize the signs that you are getting angry, how to deal with your anger constructively, and how to avoid expressing anger in an abusive or violent way.

You can find anger management programmes in your area online or by asking your doctor for a referral.

Alternatively, I run a life-changing online anger management programme, called The Complete Anger Management System. The Complete Anger Management System is the simplest, quickest and most effective way to control your anger I know. 

Conclusion:

You have learned that the four most common reasons people do not take responsibility for their action are:

• Reason 1: Fear Of Consequences
• Reason 2: Family Upbringing
• Reason 3: Beliefs Of Entitlement, and
• Reason 4: Fear Of Shame

You have learned three steps to take responsibility for your actions are:

• Step 1: Acknowledge Your Actions
  
• Step 2: Accept The Consequences Of Your Actions
  
• Step 3: Make A Plan To Change Your Actions In The Future

If you struggle to take responsibility for your actions, remember that help is available.

With the right support, you can learn how to take responsibility for your actions, control your anger and create happier, healthier and more respectful relationships.

Finally, how can you get help if you are experiencing anger issues?

Fortunately, I have a simple, short and FREE training on this very topic. 

To access this FREE training, click here.

This training will teach you exactly how to control your anger, master your emotions and create a calmer, happier and more respectful relationship, often in 21 days (or less), and without having to attend humiliating anger management programs or exhausting therapy sessions that often just do not work.

Remember: You can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

Take care!