The ABC Model Of Anger Management

Do you remember learning the alphabet?

Chances are probably not. Most of us learned the alphabet when we were very young. But once we learned the alphabet, we have always remembered it.

The ABC model of anger management works the same way. It's a simple, easy-to-remember three-step model that will help you control your anger, master your emotions and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.

In this article, you will learn what ABC model is, how it works and why it is so effective in helping you control your anger.

Introduction

So what is the ABC model of anger management?

The ABC model of anger management is a model that I have developed after working for 30 years teaching over 10,000 men and women how to control their anger.

The ABC model summarizes the three most important steps to controlling your anger. The steps are

Step 1: Awareness

Step 2: Beliefs

Step 3: Communication

Let's take a deeper look at each step.

Step 1: Awareness

You cannot control your anger if you are not aware that you are getting angry.

This statement is very simple but profound, so let me repeat it quickly:

You cannot control your anger if you are not aware that you are getting angry.

For example, imagine you are arguing with your partner, and you are starting to feel angry. Perhaps your heart is racing, your voice is getting louder, and you are feeling more and more frustrated.

These are some of what I call the Early Warning Signs of Anger.

If you are not aware that you are starting to feel angry, there is nothing you can do to change your behavior.

However, if you are aware that you are getting angry, there are many things you can do to change your behavior.

This is why the first step of the ABC model is Awareness. You must become aware when you are feeling angry in order to control your anger.

When I teach people how to control their anger, I teach many tools and techniques to help them become more aware when they are feeling angry.

If you want to know more about these tools and techniques, sign up for my free training "Breaking The Anger Cycle".

Step 2: Beliefs

The second step of the ABC model is Beliefs.

One of the most important ideas around anger management is that you create your anger. It is not something that other people cause or something that just happens to you.

For example, imagine that you are driving your car, and someone cuts you off. In this situation, most people will have thoughts such as "That person is an idiot" or "How dare they do this!".

These thoughts are what create your anger. And if you have an issue with something like road rage, you are likely to respond aggressively, such as by yelling, honking your horn or even chasing the car.

Now, imagine the same situation happening to you. However, instead of thinking, "That person is an idiot" or "How dare they do this!", you think "I'm sure they didn't mean to do that", or "Everyone makes mistakes".

In this situation, you would probably not get angry. Due to this, your actions would change.

For example, instead of yelling or honking your horn, you would likely shrug your shoulders and let the other driver in.

So, what is the difference between these two situations?

The difference is not what happened to you but your thoughts about the situation.

So, how does this relate to beliefs?

Well, beliefs are where your thoughts come from. We have beliefs about everything in life, such as what is right or wrong, what is fair or unfair, how we should act, how other people should act and so forth.

It is these beliefs that lead to your thoughts in any given situation. And to change your thoughts, you need to change your beliefs.

I run a comprehensive online anger management program called "The Complete Anger Management System". This program teaches you everything you need to know about how to control your anger, master your emotions and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships, including much more detail on changing your beliefs.

If you want to learn more about this program, click here.

Step 3: Communication

The final step of the ABC model is Communication.

Communicating well is essential for managing anger and resolving conflict. But it can be challenging to do.

In a previous article, I shared three secrets to successful communication. If you haven't yet read this article, please do this now. To remind you, however, these three secrets were:

Secret 1: Be An Active Listener

Secret 2: Speak Clearly And Non-Aggressively

Secret 3: Practice Negotiation Skills

Of these secrets, perhaps the most important is to be an active listener.

Listening well is one of the most neglected skills in any relationship, yet it is essential for creating calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

If you are having a difficult conversation with your partner, instead of focusing on what you want to say, focus on actively listening to your partner. This will help you to understand their perspective better and help your partner feel truly heard and listened to. In turn, your partner will be far more ready to truly hear and listen to you.

You will be amazed at the difference this will make in your relationship.

Conclusion

OK. There you have it. The ABC model of anger management.

Awareness, Beliefs and Communication.

Becoming aware of your anger, changing your thoughts and beliefs and learning how to communicate more effectively are key skills for preventing, managing and resolving anger.

Remember: For a free training on how to control your anger, click here,

And finally, remember: You can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

Take care!