Has anger been causing problems in your relationship?
Are you and your partner constantly arguing without getting anywhere?
Does your relationship seem stuck in a cycle of anger, hurt and regret?
If so, then this article is for you.
In it, you'll learn how spending just six hours a week can help you build a stronger and more loving bond with your partner, and create lasting intimacy, connection, and happiness.
You'll learn how spending just six hours a week can help you build a stronger and more loving bond with your partner, and create lasting intimacy, connection, and happiness.
What is "The Magic Six Hours"?
The Magic Six Hours is a concept created by relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman.
Dr. Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, author of over 200 scientific papers and 40 books on relationships, and has been studying couples for over 40 years.
He is also one of my personal heroes when it comes to creating calmer, happier and more loving relationships!
The Magic Six Hours concept is simple and straightforward:
For couples to remain connected and to grow together, they should spend at least 6 hours a week spending time and energy on their relationship.
For couples to remain connected and to grow together, they should spend at least 6 hours a week spending time and energy on their relationship.
I know this idea sounds simple, but it is amazing how many couples do not do this. This is especially so for couples for whom anger, arguments or conflict has begun to do dominate their relationship
If this is you, it is important to first address your anger issues.
Of course I can help you do this. For example, I have a powerful online course called The Complete Anger Management System that will help you control your anger and master your emotions in just a few weeks or less.
Once you have addressed your anger issues, however, the next step is to work on your relationship.
The Magic Six Hours is a great way to do this.
One of the best things about The Magic Six Hours is that Gottman also says what couple should do in these six hours to help them improve their relationship.
And, based on my experience working with thousands of couples, The Magic Six Hours really works.
Based on my experience working with thousands of couples, The Magic Six Hours really works.
So, What Do The Magic Six Hours Consist Of?
According to Gottman, the Magic Six Hours consist of seven simple steps.
These steps are:
Step 1: Partings
The first step of the Magic Six Hours involves spending a few minutes in the morning before you leave for work to connect with your partner.
This can involve anything from sharing a hug, kiss or just saying goodbye to each other. Ideally, you should also ask your partner one thing that is happening in their day (such as what they are working on, if an important meeting is coming up etc.).
The time taken for these partings can be small (even just 2 minutes a day!), but these two minutes are a powerful way to increase connection and understanding of each other.
Step 2: Reunions
The second step of the Magic Six Hours involves spending a few minutes each day when you come home from work greeting each other with warmth and enthusiasm. This can be done by sharing a kiss or hug together, or simply expressing how glad you are to be home together.
For couples who hug or kiss, it is best if this kiss or hug lasts for at least 6 seconds.
As Gottman says "A six second kiss is worth coming home for!"
As with partings, the time taken for these greetings can be small, but they make a big difference!
As Gottman says: "A six second kiss is worth coming home for!"
Step 3: Appreciation / Admiration
The third step of the Magic Six Hours involves expressing appreciation or admiration for each other every day.
This is a great way to make your partner feel good, and it can be done in a number of ways. For example, you can:
- Compliment your partner (such as by saying "you look great!”)
- Express gratitude for your partner (such as saying "thank you for washing the dishes"), or
- Express admiration for your partner (such as saying "I'm so proud of how hard you're working on that project!").
The key here is to express appreciation or admiration in a genuine way.
Step 4: Physical Affection
The fourth step of the Magic Six Hours involves regularly showing physical affection to your partner. This can include touching each other during the day, hugging and kissing regularly or cuddling with each other before going to sleep.
According to Gottman, a goodnight kiss or embrace before you sleep is an essential part of this affection, as it implies that you have let go of any irritations built up over the day and are ready to start fresh in the morning.
Step 5: Stress-Reducing Conversation
The fifth step of the Magic Six Hours involves having what Gottman calls a stress-reducing conversation with your partner every day.
A Stress-Reducing Conversation is simply a 20-minute conversation in which you and your partner talk about the day's events. During this conversation, it is important to use active listening skills.
As you have learned previously, active listening is a way of listening to your partner without judgement, criticism or defensiveness.
Couples who regularly practice these stress-reducing conversations find that they quickly build a stronger connection with each other.
Active listening is a way of listening to your partner without judgement, criticism or defensiveness.
Step 6: Quality Time
The sixth step of the Magic Six Hours is to spend at least two hours a week together sharing quality time.
Spending quality time together will allows you to strengthen your relationship with your partner, have fun together and discover new activities.
Examples of quality time include going out for dinner, going to a movie, playing a board game together or simply spending time talking with each other. Whatever you and your partner decide to do, make sure it is something that you both enjoy.
Step 7: State Of The Union Meeting
The final step of the Magic Six Hours is to have a weekly "State Of The Union" meeting.
A "State Of The Union Meeting" is a meeting between you and your partner to discuss the current state of the relationship.
During this meeting, you should talk about:
- What is going well in your relationship
- Any issues that need to be addressed in your relationship, such as disagreements that have been unresolved or communication problems, and
- How you can work together to improve your relationship.
While having this meeting together can be challenging at first, it gets easier over time!
Couples that I see who regularly practice State Of The Union Meetings almost always report feeling closer and more connected to each other.
Couples that I see who regularly practice State Of The Union Meetings almost always report feeling closer and more connected to each other.
Conclusion
So, there you have it! The Magic Six Hours.
As I have mentioned, I have used The Magic Six Hours with many couples to help them create deeper, more connected and happier relationships.
In fact, after practising the Magic Six Hours for just a few weeks, many couples often report feeling happier, calmer and more in love with each other.
So, why not give the Magic Six Hours a try? I promise that you won't be disappointed!
Remember: For a free training on how to control your anger, click here.
