Do you ever find yourself getting angry and not knowing why?
Do you tell yourself things like "I'm not that angry" or "I can't help it, I'm just a naturally angry person"?
Do you think that learning to control your anger will be hard, or that you need to attend months or even years of counselling or therapy to get control of your anger?
If so, you're not alone.
A lot of us have a lot of misconceptions about anger - what it is, where it comes from, and how to deal with it.
In this article, you will learn some of the most common anger myths, and why they're doing more harm than good.
If you're ready to learn the truth about anger and start living a calmer, happier life, then this article is for you.
So, what are the most common myths about anger?
Here are 5 common myths about anger:
Myth #1 is that "I'm not that angry"
Many people try to downplay their anger, especially if they're used to being told that they're "always" angry.
They might say things like, "I'm not that angry," or "I can't help it, I'm just a naturally passionate person," as if there's nothing they can do about it.
The truth is, anger causes far more damage than most people think.
I have seen many people, for instance, who say they're not angry, but their bodies tell a different story. They might have high blood pressure, they might be constantly on edge, or they might get headaches or stomach aches when they become stressed.
Worse still, the anger issues that these people are denying may be affecting these people's relationships, families or jobs, often without them even realising it.
Many people, for instance, only decide to get help for their anger when their partner or spouse has already left them. By this time, it is often too late to repair the damage that anger has done to the relationship. This is always a tragic situation.
So, if you're telling yourself that you're "not that angry," ask yourself:
"What damage is anger doing to my health, my relationships, and life?"
Be honest when you are answering this question. You might be surprised at the answer.
Myth #2 is that "anger is just a normal emotion"
Many people believe that anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. Often these people also believe that there's nothing they can do about their anger - it's just how they are.
While it's true that we all feel angry at times, it's essential to understand that whether we feel angry in a situation or not is entirely up to us.
As I have described in previous blogs, anger is a response to how you think about situations. It's not the situation itself that makes you angry - it is your thoughts about the situation.
So, if you're telling yourself that anger is just a normal emotion that you can't do anything about, or that it is normal to feel angry sometimes, ask yourself: "What am I thinking about the situation that is making me angry?"
Again, be honest with yourself. Once you identify the thoughts that are making you angry, you can start to challenge them. In particular, the question I like to ask my clients about anger is that:
"Is it helpful to be angry in this situation?"
If the answer is "No", then it's time to start changing your thinking about the situation.
This can take time, but it is always possible.
Myth #3 is that "Learning to control anger is difficult"
You may believe that learning to control anger is a long, difficult and frustrating process.
You might think that you will need to go to counselling or therapy for months or years and talk about your childhood and all the things that have ever happened in your life to make you angry.
Or you may think you'll never be able to change and that you're just "destined" to be an angry person.
All of these thoughts simply aren't true.
While it does take some effort to learn how to control your anger, you can learn to control your anger much more quickly and easily than you may think.
As you learned in The 3 Keys To Anger Management, the first step to controlling your anger is simply to become aware when you are getting angry. A simple way to do this is to notice the physical signs that you are getting angry, such as a racing heart, clenched fists or teeth, or feeling hot all over.
The second step to controlling your anger is to start changing the thoughts that are making you angry. As I mentioned earlier, it's not the situation that makes you angry - it's your thoughts about the situation. So, if you change your thinking, you can change your anger.
There is more to controlling your anger than these two simple steps, but they are an excellent place to start. In fact, most people I work with can implement these steps and see a significant reduction in their anger in just 21 days (or less).
If they can do it, you can do it!
Myth #4 is that you must attend counselling or therapy sessions to control your anger
Like the other myths we have discussed, this myth is simply not true.
While attending counselling or therapy sessions to control anger can be helpful for some people, it's not necessary for everyone. And in some cases, attending counselling or therapy sessions to control anger can be harmful.
This is because, as I mentioned earlier, anger is a response to how you think about a situation.
So, if you're attending counselling or therapy and the therapist is only focusing on your past experiences and childhood, they may be inadvertently reinforcing the thoughts and beliefs that are making you angry.
For example, if you grew up in a family where you witnessed abuse or violence from your parents, you may believe it's normal to be angry or abusive to get what you want. And for some people, the more they talk about their childhood experiences in therapy, the more they reinforce these damaging thoughts and beliefs.
Not only that, but many counsellors or therapists are simply unaware of the simple and powerful tools that can help anyone to control their anger, often far more quickly than you may think possible.
So, even if they are trying to help you, many counsellors and therapists do not have the tools or knowledge to make a difference.
In my experience, the best way to learn how to control your anger is to seek out someone who is experienced in helping people with anger, and who is aware of the tools, techniques and strategies to help people control their anger quickly.
If you'd like to learn about these anger management tools, techniques and strategies from me, I offer a life-changing course called The Complete Anger Management System.
The Complete Anger Management System will teach you how to control your anger, master your emotions and create a calmer, happier and more respectful relationship, often in just 21 days or less.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, click here.
Myth #5 is that "Other people make you angry"
This is one of the most destructive myths about anger, and it's also one of the most common.
The truth is, other people do not make you angry. As you have learned in previous blogs, you create your anger!
It's true that other people, events and situations can trigger your anger, but it's essential to understand that it's your thoughts about these events that make you angry, not the events themselves.
For example, if your partner comes home from work and ignores you, you may think,
"They're such a jerk! They don't care about me."
These thoughts will make you feel angry, and you may respond by criticising your partner or telling them that they're selfish or inconsiderate.
Now, let's consider the same situation again. This time, however, instead of thinking your partner is a jerk or that they don't care about you, you think,
"Maybe my partner has had a bad day. I'll give them some space and see how they are later."
These thoughts will not make you feel angry. As a result, you will not respond to your partner in a way that makes the situation worse.
As you can see, the bottom line is that other people do not make you angry. It is your thoughts about other people or situations that make you angry.
And the good news is, you can choose what you think! You are not a victim of your thoughts. You have the power to control your thoughts, and as a result, you have the power to control your anger.
Understanding that you create your anger is one of the most empowering realisations you can grasp. It means that you are in control of your anger, not other people. It also means that you have the decision if you get angry or not, simply by changing your thoughts.
Let's quickly review the anger myths you've learned:
Myth #1: "I'm not that angry"
Myth #2: "Anger is just a normal emotion"
Myth #3:"Learning to control anger is difficult"
Myth #4: You must attend counselling or therapy to control your anger.
Myth #5: "Other people make you angry".
Finally, how can you get help if you are experiencing anger issues?
Fortunately, I have a simple, short and FREE training on this very topic.
To access this FREE training, click here.
This training will teach you exactly how to control your anger, master your emotions and create a calmer, happier and more respectful relationship, often in 21 days (or less), and without having to attend humiliating anger management programs or exhausting therapy sessions that often just do not work.
Thanks for reading this blog!
Remember: You can't control other people, but you can control yourself.