For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever realised your anger isn’t just affecting your relationship, but shaping the kind of parent you’re becoming?
In this powerful case-study episode, anger management expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Katie, a mother who recognised that long-standing anger patterns were beginning to impact her relationship and her child.
Despite trying therapy and in-person anger management, Katie still felt stuck, until she learned the right tools to manage anger in the moment it actually shows up.
Katie shares her journey of breaking generational anger patterns, rebuilding trust at home and making real change within weeks. Not through perfection, but through awareness, practical skills and consistent practice.
Key Takeaways:
- Talking about anger isn’t the same as managing it. Real change comes from learning what to do in the moment when anger starts to rise.
- Awareness is the turning point. Noticing early warning signs and using tools like the Tension Scale creates space to respond instead of react.
- Breaking generational cycles is possible. Recognising how anger is passed down can become a powerful motivation for lasting change.
- Progress isn’t linear — and that’s normal. Setbacks don’t mean failure; they’re part of building a new pattern.
- Practical tools beat theory. Techniques like positive self-talk, early disengagement, and the Anger Diary helped Katie make measurable progress quickly.
Katie’s story is a reminder that you don’t need to eliminate anger — you need to learn how to work with it, early and effectively, before it causes damage.
Links referenced in this episode:
- angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
- angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
- angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
Have you ever had that moment where you realize your anger isn't just affecting your relationship, it's now shaping the kind of parent you're becoming?
Speaker A:And with that realization, you what if I pass this destructive pattern on?
Speaker A:That's exactly where Katie found herself.
Speaker A:A relationship on the brink of ending arguments happening in front of her child.
Speaker A:The growing fear that the anger she grew up around was starting to repeat itself through her.
Speaker A:If you're listening today, that already says something powerful about you.
Speaker A:It means you're brave enough to look at the long term impact of anger on yourself, your partner, and your family.
Speaker A:Today's episode is powerful because Katie is a client of mine who didn't just talk about change.
Speaker A:She took action when things were still repairable.
Speaker A:And within weeks, her partner noticed a shift in her.
Speaker A:Her daughter noticed it too.
Speaker A:The constant tension eased, the snapping slowed, and that anger cycle that has been affecting her for years began to break.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 66 of the Anger Management Podcast.
Speaker A:I Alistair.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dues, and over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier, and more peaceful lives.
Speaker A:Today we're going to hear from Katie, a woman who had already tried therapy and in person anger management, but still found herself stuck in the same painful patterns.
Speaker A:Katie's story is a powerful reminder that controlling your anger does require perfection.
Speaker A:It requires the right tools applied consistently at the moments that matter most.
Speaker A:Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode too, where I'll let you know how you can start taking control of your anger before it's too late.
Speaker A:So, without further ado, let's dive into my interview with Katie.
Speaker B:So just tell me a little bit about yourself.
Speaker C:So I am 35 years old, I have a daughter, and I've been with my partner for about 10 years now.
Speaker C:And I decided to join your anger management course because my relationship, it was getting really, like, abusive.
Speaker C:And I noticed that it was affecting the way I was parenting and I didn't want to repeat the generational cycle that was repeated onto me too.
Speaker C:And so I knew that I needed help and more help than just what I was gaining from my therapist.
Speaker B:What kind of behaviors were you concerned about?
Speaker C:I was worried about verbal Abuse, possibly just I consider spanking like physical abuse.
Speaker C:So I was worried about getting to the point where I okayed spanking.
Speaker C:I didn't want to do that with my daughter.
Speaker C:Also, our relationship with my partner, it was barely hanging on and we were talking about splitting up and co parenting, and I also didn't want that for her either.
Speaker B:Yeah, thanks for that.
Speaker B:So how has starting the course been for you?
Speaker C:It's been really good.
Speaker C:I've been doing really well, and my partner has noticed a change and it's been helping our relationship.
Speaker C:And my daughter has even noticed a change too.
Speaker C:Things I used to just snap at or a lot of fights that we would get into in front of her have decreased drastically.
Speaker A:That's awesome.
Speaker A:What do you think you're doing differently?
Speaker C:I think the most helpful is early warning signs.
Speaker C:Being, like, aware of them and noticing where I am on the tension scale and then using the positive self talk to get out of where I am on the tension scale.
Speaker C:And the anger diary also helps a lot.
Speaker C:I'm able to, like, look back and not only see my progress, but also see what I was angry about and, like, self reflect.
Speaker B:So are there any common themes in that?
Speaker B:Like, is something being getting you angry consistently?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It was mostly feeling disrespected and having that positive self talk about not, like, taking it so personally has helped.
Speaker C:I just need to practice it more and.
Speaker C:But for the most part, I'm able to disengage.
Speaker B:And I'm guessing that leads to a better outcome.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And how fast do you think you've made these changes?
Speaker C:So I'm on.
Speaker C:I believe I'm on week five or six.
Speaker C:Around week four is when my partner said that he started seeing me improving with my awareness and not so angry, not so much on edge.
Speaker B:Has it been easy or hard for you to make these changes so far?
Speaker C:So it's.
Speaker C:It hasn't been hard.
Speaker C:And it's not like an.
Speaker C:It's a straight up, like, slope.
Speaker C:Like, last week went down, but that's how I feel.
Speaker C:Like, growth is.
Speaker C:It's not gonna look straight up all the time, and some weeks are better than others, but I feel like I'm making progress and yeah, I feel like I'm making progress.
Speaker B:I understand that you grew up in a home where there was some form of anger or abuse.
Speaker B:Did you kind of witness this when you were growing up?
Speaker C:Yeah, there was a lot of yelling, not too much hitting or anything like that.
Speaker C:But my parents fought a lot.
Speaker C:Like, every day pretty much.
Speaker C:And my dad Would always like, yell at me and my sisters a lot.
Speaker C:Yeah, there was a lot.
Speaker B:I guess he would have picked up some behaviors from witnessing that.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:I've always been just really angry as a person since I was a little child.
Speaker C:I would throw tantrums and I was always angry.
Speaker C:And it was something that was always a struggle for me throughout my whole life.
Speaker B:And I think some of your motivation to change is not to pass on your anger to your daughter.
Speaker B:Is that right?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:I do not want to pass this on to her.
Speaker C:So that was very motivating to join this course.
Speaker B:Has anything else in the course stood out for you?
Speaker C:I really like how you tie in relationships to.
Speaker C:To the anger management because it's interrelated.
Speaker C:I feel like relationships and striving for a healthy, happy relationship without like, abuse and some things.
Speaker C:Like my partner didn't even realize how he was also being abusive.
Speaker C:Even though it wasn't like a physical abuse, he was still abusive.
Speaker C:And when he started the course too, it was like an eye opener for him and it just motivated him to also want to change that.
Speaker C:So I really liked how you added that into the course.
Speaker B:So if someone was listening to this podcast episode and thinking about doing the.
Speaker A:Course, what would you say to them?
Speaker C:If it's something that you've been struggling with and you've been trying to get help, I definitely recommend this course.
Speaker C:It's different than doing like a group, like in person anger management course, which I've done before, that is helpful.
Speaker C:But I feel like this is like even more helpful because I'm able to go back to the modules and re listen and watch them and redo the exercises again.
Speaker C:And I found that very helpful.
Speaker C:There's so much that you just miss if you just listen to it once.
Speaker C:So just re watching it and re listening to it and applying the skills.
Speaker C:Like, yeah, it's really, it's beneficial.
Speaker B:And how does this course compare with, say, doing therapy?
Speaker B:What do you think the differences are between the course and therapy?
Speaker C:There's just so much more dedicated to like your anger versus in therapy.
Speaker C:It's like your childhood trauma and other things, like trying to dive into that and what caused this and that.
Speaker C:And for anger management, specifically catered to your anger and finding skills that work for you, that help you and it focuses on that.
Speaker C:I feel like also that you have more skills to give and provide versus a therapist.
Speaker C:I've asked my therapist for skills multiple times and they give me the same thing.
Speaker C:It's little superficial, like just square breathing things like that.
Speaker C:I feel like you dive into it a little bit more.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:Is there anything else you'd like to say?
Speaker C:Yeah, I'm just really happy that I did this course.
Speaker C:That it's.
Speaker C:Yeah, it was really beneficial to my family and myself.
Speaker A:Thanks for tuning in today's episode of the anger management podcast.
Speaker A:I hope you have found this conversation with Katie useful.
Speaker A:Before we finish, however, let's summarise the main ideas that Katie shared, because there are some really important takeaways here that can make a genuine difference in real life.
Speaker A:First, Katie talked about the difference between talking about anger and actually learning how to manage it.
Speaker A:She'd spent time in therapy and in face to face programs, but what was missing were practical tools she she could use in the moment when anger was rising and things were about to escalate.
Speaker A:What helped her wasn't analyzing the past, but learning what to do right now when she felt triggered.
Speaker A:Second, awareness came up again and again as a turning point for Katie.
Speaker A:Katie talked about learning her early warning signs and noticing where she was on the tension scale before anger took over.
Speaker A:That awareness gave her options.
Speaker A:Instead of snapping automatically, she could intervene early, use positive self talk, and disengage before things escalated.
Speaker A:This is huge because you can't change what you don't notice.
Speaker A:Third, Katie's motivation to break the generational cycle really stood out.
Speaker A:Katie grew up around anger and yelling, and she could see how easily those patterns get passed on.
Speaker A:Her decision to change wasn't just about saving her relationship.
Speaker A:It was about protecting her daughter from growing up in the same emotional environment.
Speaker A:That kind of motivation is powerful and it's often what gives people the strength to stick with the work when it gets uncomfortable.
Speaker A:And finally, Katie reminded us that progress isn't a straight line, and that's normal.
Speaker A:She had good weeks and harder weeks, but she could still see clear progress over time.
Speaker A:Being able to revisit the material in my course, redo the exercises and reflect.
Speaker A:Using tools like the anger diary helped her stay on track.
Speaker A:Change doesn't mean never getting angry again.
Speaker A:It means getting better at noticing it, responding differently, and repairing when needed.
Speaker A:And if there's one big message from Katie's story, it's real.
Speaker A:Change is possible when you have the right tools, the right support, and the willingness to keep practicing, even when it's not perfect.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I hope you found this episode helpful.
Speaker A:If you did, I'd appreciate it if you took a moment to follow this podcast on your favourite podcast app and if possible, leave a quick rating and review.
Speaker A:This helps other people find this show and start their own journey to a calmer, happier and healthier life.
Speaker A:Remember too, for free support to control your anger, including access to a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment core with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angasecrets.com course to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System.
Speaker A:I'd be honored to help you on your anger management journey.
Speaker A:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker D:The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker D:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker D:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
